Snow Day Schedule
Reader Rynox posted this in the comments and it gave me quite the chuckle, thought everyone should be able to enjoy it. I've also included some add-ons by other readers. (Rob G.)
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In today’s edition of Panicky Cub Fans v. The Chicago Cub’s the prosecution calls their main witness, Small Sample Size, to testify.
Judge: Small sample size, please raise your right hand and repeat after me, “I will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
SSS: I will tell the truth, and nothing but the truth.
Judge: Panicky Cub Fans?
PCF: Thank you, your honor. Small Sample Size, what is the Cub’s current record?
SSS: 3-5
PCF: And this is a record of the Cub’s season thus far, representing the quality of play they’ve put on the field?
SSS: Yes
PCF: So it is not inconceivable that the Cub’s will continue to play at this level from this point on?
SSS: That is not inconceivable, correct.
PCF: Great, let’s talk about Alfonso Soriano. How has he contributed this year?
SSS: Alfonso Soriano, 200/243/314, 0 HR, 1 SB.
PCF: Looking pretty grim, what about Jacque Jones?
SSS: Jacque Jones, 233/303/267, 0 HR, 0 SB.
PCF: Prosecution rests.
Judge: Defense, your witness.
TCC: SSS, how much of the season has been played?
{Some hesitation}
SSS: 8 games.
TCC: Give me a percentage.
SSS: 5%
{Mumbling in the court & jury}
Judge: Order in the court.
TCC: That’s right, the seasons has just started. Let me ask you about someone else, do you know a Law of Averages?
{SSS now obviously uncomfortable}
SSS: … yes, I think I’ve met him.
TCC: That’s right, you have. You see, the Law of Averages says, in simple terms, that everything “evens out”. So it’s not inconceivable that Alfonso Soriano & Jacque Jones will go on a hot streak and that Aramis Ramirez will go on a cold streak.
One more question for the witness. Where were you on April 9th, 2006?
{Long pause}
SSS: Taunting Minnesota Twins fans.
TCC: That’s right, after a 1-5 start the Minnesota Twins go on to win the American League Central. Defense rests. For now.
(From Reader Jacos)
“Your Honor, the prosecution would like to call in a suprise witness…Johnny B Baker!”
{Gasps through out the court room}
(From Reader 10man)
TCC: “Your honor to counter the prosecution’s surprise witness, defense also calls a surprise witness of its own…
Neifi Perez’ 2005 Cubs stats!”
SSS: Your honor, I object! That’s my identical twin “Lightning in a Bottle!”
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Feel free to keep it going it going in the comments...
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