I Can't Wait for Derrek Lee to Punch Sean Marshall in the Mouth

Wednesday night the Brewers won their 8th consecutive game, and the consensus is that the streak grew directly out of the dugout shoving match-turned-public apology involving Prince Fielder and Manny Parra. (Note to consensus: the fact that the Brewers have been playing the Nats and the Padres might also be a contributing factor.)

The Cubs have been doing just fine, thank you—7 consecutive road wins,11 victories in 14 games overall, maintaining a 3 1/2-game lead in the NL Central—but still, it's nice to know that we could conjure an 8-game run whenever we needed it simply by initiating a little Cub-on-Cub action.

Hell, it's not like we don't have the boys with backgrounds in intramural brawling: Lou Piniella (grappled with Rob Dibble to a draw), Ted Lilly (TKO over his Toronto manager, John Gibbons), and Carlos Zambrano (knocked out Michael Barrett, all the way into the National League West!).

Sure, we could follow the Milwaukee match-making strategy and have Lee (our Fielder) take on Marshall (our Parra), or we could be a little more creative.

Some ideas:

Geovany Soto takes on Henry Blanco. "The Battle of the Backstops." (Soto would do almost all of the fighting; Blanco would only be responsible for every seventh or eighth punch.)

Mike Fontenot vs. Ryan Theriot. "The Showdown of the Raging Cajuns." Let's find out which sparkplug fires hotter, once and for all!

Rich Harden meets Ryan Dempster. The provincial honor of British Columbia—that's what it's all aboot.

Mark DeRosa vs. Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Aramis Ramirez. (DeRosa takes on a different opponent on three consecutive days, only no one tells him who he's up against until he gets to the ballpark.) 



"Skinhead" Mike Quade vs. Derrek Lee: RACE WARS!!!!!!!
Daryle Ward vs. Jason Marquis: The Bummus against the Hummus.
Pretty sure that either one could be construed as a hate crime though.

I was thinking Ward Vs The Fontenaught, sort of a David vs Goliath duel.


They could argue over who got to pinch hit for Lilly tonight.

Fonty was on the u.s. Olympic slingshot squad in 2004...and dward's club (bat) hasn't hit a mosquito this year.

Ryan Theriot vs. Aramis Ramirez
Theriot made Cesar Izturis his bitch and took his job last year; former "partner" Ramirez left jealous and with a lonely two-bagger.

In other fighting-related news, Paul Wilson finally remembered where his car is parked.


DeRo vs 3? No contest. Dude is built like a Greek god, don'tcha know.

Did you see the question earlier in the article?

Riot, who wins a fight between you and Fontenot? If you two teamed up, do you think you could take Zambrano out? Inquiring minds want to know... -- Erik Burgio, San Francisco

I'd beat Font's butt, though Z might kill us. But I think Z likes me, or at least I hope he does. I would never fight Font, but if I did, I'd hammer him, and he knows that.

I posted this earlier. Film of Fontenot and Theriot going at it.


In the matchups before the game sporstline had Peavy pitching for the Dads. But he didn't pitch. I dont' know why.

Good matchups

Ward vs size 38 pants

Arams cock vs Chicago El(subway) Pigeon(although that would be a good spanish name for a fighting bird)

Kerry Wood vs Beach Towel

Ivan Dejesus vs Fukodome summarizing Praust Competition.

Carlos Marmol vs John McCain

Ronny Cedeno vs first pitch after pitcher walked last two batters

According to ESPN1000, Onley owner sources said instant replay will be happening "soon" and that it's a"done deal"

It's too bad. And I would actually oppose this, but it seems to me like umps have become total shit in the past three years, so... screw it.

I'm somewhat against it, too. My main concern is that once the technology is in play, it'll be too easy for people to start demanding it be used for more routine calls. If MLB goes there, the sport will try the patience of even the most loyal fans.

Great quote about Scott Eyre's end in Chicago today in Jayson Stark's column:

"His only problem in Chicago was getting in Lou's doghouse. And when you get in that doghouse, you don't get out. It's a very deep doghouse. It's kind of a Saint Bernard doghouse."


Entire Cubs lineup vs. DITKA!

Regular size Ditka or mini-Ditka?


Trans vs BOOBS!

Recent comments

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  • who's this guy being all reasonable and stuff?

    pick someone on the board who's literally worse than hitler and start screaming about it. cubs 2016!

  • It's not pathetic -- it's what we've been waiting for!

  • Yikes -- I was off the site for a short while and it blew up.

    Gentlemen -- it is apparent that Lester has a weakness in his game. Everybody knows about it. He has, apparently, tried to work on it, but without success. Fortunately, he is talented enough that he is able to largely overcome his shortcoming.

    I am amazed that other teams don't try to bunt on him, but, as has been said, bunting is not a skill many players have.

  • Interesting that Hendricks is going tomorrow -- so, he wasn't really "skipped", just moved back a few days so Jake and Lester could deal against the Pirates. I'm OK with that.

  • PHIL: Thanks for your updates.

    One thing that we are seeing come to bear is that Theo's obvious strategy has been to stockpile young, power arms in the lower levels while owning bats that are much nearer to MLB ready - then, buying the arms the org needs in order to be highly competitive.

  • It's fun to watch the cards shit the bed anytime of the year

  • I really thought he would be the one getting the call-up. This must be a favor to the player from Theo.

  • I'm already scoreboard watching and it's only the start of May. How pathetic is that?

  • Glad to see Hudson having another good outing. He is so impressive for an 18/yo. Surprised to see Shane V. still there. I thought he would be gone this week. I can picture today. Thanks Phil!

  • stats don't lie. *nods*

  • 2016 Cubs are 0-1 on day after Trans recaps, 20-5 in other games. I enjoy his recaps, but there is a price to pay.

  • He's the Albert Pujols of recaps and has gotten a huge contract based on past performance. He doesn't need to do anything the rest of his days and he'll still get love.

  • I thought he was one-and-done on recaps?

    Didn't he get Optioned?

  • Link?

    /I keed

  • Thank you very much for such a robust response. So hard to get anything on these guys that it's nice to hear from someone who has actually seen them. Great to hear about Paredes, I have pretty high hopes for this group of IFAs.

    How impressed are you with these guys and size? I know they're pretty large prospects, especially for their ages. I consider size a plus at this stage - IIRC Amaya is the only one below 6'2"? IIRC Kwon had some baby fat on him it, Sierra's traditionally considered projectable as he's all arms and legs, Paredes has that Peralta build at SS....

  • Godzilla won in the Japanese version, Kong swam off in the American one. At least I think that's how it went....Rematch in 2020, possibly!