I Can't Wait for Derrek Lee to Punch Sean Marshall in the Mouth

Wednesday night the Brewers won their 8th consecutive game, and the consensus is that the streak grew directly out of the dugout shoving match-turned-public apology involving Prince Fielder and Manny Parra. (Note to consensus: the fact that the Brewers have been playing the Nats and the Padres might also be a contributing factor.)

The Cubs have been doing just fine, thank you—7 consecutive road wins,11 victories in 14 games overall, maintaining a 3 1/2-game lead in the NL Central—but still, it's nice to know that we could conjure an 8-game run whenever we needed it simply by initiating a little Cub-on-Cub action.

Hell, it's not like we don't have the boys with backgrounds in intramural brawling: Lou Piniella (grappled with Rob Dibble to a draw), Ted Lilly (TKO over his Toronto manager, John Gibbons), and Carlos Zambrano (knocked out Michael Barrett, all the way into the National League West!).

Sure, we could follow the Milwaukee match-making strategy and have Lee (our Fielder) take on Marshall (our Parra), or we could be a little more creative.

Some ideas:

— Geovany Soto takes on Henry Blanco. "The Battle of the Backstops." (Soto would do almost all of the fighting; Blanco would only be responsible for every seventh or eighth punch.)

— Mike Fontenot vs. Ryan Theriot. "The Showdown of the Raging Cajuns." Let's find out which sparkplug fires hotter, once and for all!

— Rich Harden meets Ryan Dempster. The provincial honor of British Columbia—that's what it's all aboot.

— Mark DeRosa vs. Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Aramis Ramirez. (DeRosa takes on a different opponent on three consecutive days, only no one tells him who he's up against until he gets to the ballpark.) 

Tags: 
Cubs Humor
Submitted by Cubnut on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 9:23am
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Comments

Submitted by Logan
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 9:48am

"Skinhead" Mike Quade vs. Derrek Lee: RACE WARS!!!!!!!
OR
Daryle Ward vs. Jason Marquis: The Bummus against the Hummus.
Pretty sure that either one could be construed as a hate crime though.

Submitted by The Real Neal
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 10:10am

I was thinking Ward Vs The Fontenaught, sort of a David vs Goliath duel.

http://flickr.com/photos/27496533@N00/124280646/

They could argue over who got to pinch hit for Lilly tonight.

Submitted by Cubster
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 11:05am

Fonty was on the u.s. Olympic slingshot squad in 2004...and dward's club (bat) hasn't hit a mosquito this year.

Submitted by John Beasley
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 10:34am

Ryan Theriot vs. Aramis Ramirez
Theriot made Cesar Izturis his bitch and took his job last year; former "partner" Ramirez left jealous and with a lonely two-bagger.

In other fighting-related news, Paul Wilson finally remembered where his car is parked.

Submitted by Cubnut
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 10:37am

lol

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 10:43am

DeRo vs 3? No contest. Dude is built like a Greek god, don'tcha know.

Submitted by Ryno
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 11:19am

Did you see the question earlier in the article?

Riot, who wins a fight between you and Fontenot? If you two teamed up, do you think you could take Zambrano out? Inquiring minds want to know... -- Erik Burgio, San Francisco

I'd beat Font's butt, though Z might kill us. But I think Z likes me, or at least I hope he does. I would never fight Font, but if I did, I'd hammer him, and he knows that.

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 12:03pm

I posted this earlier. Film of Fontenot and Theriot going at it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQK8bGHmbFk

Submitted by Chad
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 11:19am

In the matchups before the game sporstline had Peavy pitching for the Dads. But he didn't pitch. I dont' know why.

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 12:10pm

Good matchups

Ward vs size 38 pants

Arams cock vs Chicago El(subway) Pigeon(although that would be a good spanish name for a fighting bird)

Kerry Wood vs Beach Towel

Ivan Dejesus vs Fukodome summarizing Praust Competition.

Carlos Marmol vs John McCain

Ronny Cedeno vs first pitch after pitcher walked last two batters

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 12:53pm

According to ESPN1000, Onley owner sources said instant replay will be happening "soon" and that it's a"done deal"

Submitted by Ryno
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 3:35pm

It's too bad. And I would actually oppose this, but it seems to me like umps have become total shit in the past three years, so... screw it.

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 3:49pm

I'm somewhat against it, too. My main concern is that once the technology is in play, it'll be too easy for people to start demanding it be used for more routine calls. If MLB goes there, the sport will try the patience of even the most loyal fans.

Submitted by John Beasley
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 12:57pm

Great quote about Scott Eyre's end in Chicago today in Jayson Stark's column:

"His only problem in Chicago was getting in Lou's doghouse. And when you get in that doghouse, you don't get out. It's a very deep doghouse. It's kind of a Saint Bernard doghouse."

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?column...

Submitted by Wild Thing
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 1:54pm

Entire Cubs lineup vs. DITKA!

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 1:55pm

Regular size Ditka or mini-Ditka?

BEARS!

Submitted by carlosrubi
on Thu, 08/14/2008 - 5:32pm

Trans vs BOOBS!

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