I Can't Wait for Derrek Lee to Punch Sean Marshall in the Mouth

Wednesday night the Brewers won their 8th consecutive game, and the consensus is that the streak grew directly out of the dugout shoving match-turned-public apology involving Prince Fielder and Manny Parra. (Note to consensus: the fact that the Brewers have been playing the Nats and the Padres might also be a contributing factor.)

The Cubs have been doing just fine, thank you—7 consecutive road wins,11 victories in 14 games overall, maintaining a 3 1/2-game lead in the NL Central—but still, it's nice to know that we could conjure an 8-game run whenever we needed it simply by initiating a little Cub-on-Cub action.

Hell, it's not like we don't have the boys with backgrounds in intramural brawling: Lou Piniella (grappled with Rob Dibble to a draw), Ted Lilly (TKO over his Toronto manager, John Gibbons), and Carlos Zambrano (knocked out Michael Barrett, all the way into the National League West!).

Sure, we could follow the Milwaukee match-making strategy and have Lee (our Fielder) take on Marshall (our Parra), or we could be a little more creative.

Some ideas:

Geovany Soto takes on Henry Blanco. "The Battle of the Backstops." (Soto would do almost all of the fighting; Blanco would only be responsible for every seventh or eighth punch.)

Mike Fontenot vs. Ryan Theriot. "The Showdown of the Raging Cajuns." Let's find out which sparkplug fires hotter, once and for all!

Rich Harden meets Ryan Dempster. The provincial honor of British Columbia—that's what it's all aboot.

Mark DeRosa vs. Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Aramis Ramirez. (DeRosa takes on a different opponent on three consecutive days, only no one tells him who he's up against until he gets to the ballpark.) 



"Skinhead" Mike Quade vs. Derrek Lee: RACE WARS!!!!!!!
Daryle Ward vs. Jason Marquis: The Bummus against the Hummus.
Pretty sure that either one could be construed as a hate crime though.

I was thinking Ward Vs The Fontenaught, sort of a David vs Goliath duel.


They could argue over who got to pinch hit for Lilly tonight.

Fonty was on the u.s. Olympic slingshot squad in 2004...and dward's club (bat) hasn't hit a mosquito this year.

Ryan Theriot vs. Aramis Ramirez
Theriot made Cesar Izturis his bitch and took his job last year; former "partner" Ramirez left jealous and with a lonely two-bagger.

In other fighting-related news, Paul Wilson finally remembered where his car is parked.


DeRo vs 3? No contest. Dude is built like a Greek god, don'tcha know.

Did you see the question earlier in the article?

Riot, who wins a fight between you and Fontenot? If you two teamed up, do you think you could take Zambrano out? Inquiring minds want to know... -- Erik Burgio, San Francisco

I'd beat Font's butt, though Z might kill us. But I think Z likes me, or at least I hope he does. I would never fight Font, but if I did, I'd hammer him, and he knows that.

I posted this earlier. Film of Fontenot and Theriot going at it.


In the matchups before the game sporstline had Peavy pitching for the Dads. But he didn't pitch. I dont' know why.

Good matchups

Ward vs size 38 pants

Arams cock vs Chicago El(subway) Pigeon(although that would be a good spanish name for a fighting bird)

Kerry Wood vs Beach Towel

Ivan Dejesus vs Fukodome summarizing Praust Competition.

Carlos Marmol vs John McCain

Ronny Cedeno vs first pitch after pitcher walked last two batters

According to ESPN1000, Onley owner sources said instant replay will be happening "soon" and that it's a"done deal"

It's too bad. And I would actually oppose this, but it seems to me like umps have become total shit in the past three years, so... screw it.

I'm somewhat against it, too. My main concern is that once the technology is in play, it'll be too easy for people to start demanding it be used for more routine calls. If MLB goes there, the sport will try the patience of even the most loyal fans.

Great quote about Scott Eyre's end in Chicago today in Jayson Stark's column:

"His only problem in Chicago was getting in Lou's doghouse. And when you get in that doghouse, you don't get out. It's a very deep doghouse. It's kind of a Saint Bernard doghouse."


Entire Cubs lineup vs. DITKA!

Regular size Ditka or mini-Ditka?


Trans vs BOOBS!

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  • Oh, I'm sure you're right. He's not 27-27 in saves for nothing. But, man, I hope they learned last night that he didn't throw a single pitch in the zone to KB, Contreras or Baez, and they all just kept swinging.

    billybucks 1 hour 57 min ago view
  • Sounds like a much better game than last night's fiasco in Flushing.

    Old and Blue 2 hours 14 min ago view
  • I'm pretty sure it looks like a sweet pitch on the way in. How many sinkers like that are there at 98 mph? I agree that they should just do a Lackey and stand their with their bat on their shoulders until he throws a strike next time, but I can see how that's hard to do.

    The bullpen, on the other hand, is a mess, and Heyward is starting to piss me off.

    Old and Blue 2 hours 15 min ago view
  • I noticed that too. He's getting to everything, but when he gets right under it on a high flyball he looks uncomfortable

    cubbies.4ever 10 hours 49 min ago view
  • Did you expect anything different?

    billybucks 11 hours 19 min ago view
  • Wow, did they blow this game. Stupid plays by the kids in the 7th -- Almora throwing to 3rd instead of 2nd to keep the DP in order (when a DP probably wins the game) and Baez throwing to 3rd (to a backpedalling KB) instead of getting the easy 2nd out at first - cost them the game. Also, Contreras almost throws the ball into RF on a nonexistent pick-off play. And Maddon, for using Peralta in the first place. Did they do a bunch of shots in the dugout before the 7th? Unbelievably bad baseball. I thought Almora had a high baseball IQ?

    billybucks 11 hours 41 min ago view
  • men on 2nd/3rd, 0 out...and nothing.

    cubs lose :(

    crunch 12 hours 13 min ago view

    crunch 12 hours 23 min ago view
  • Getting tired of this Heywood weak sauce

    jacos 12 hours 34 min ago view
  • Yep, can't say I disagree with that. His first batter and resulting walk was just brutal. Reminded me of a bit of Jacque Jones spiking his throws into the ground from RF.

    Eric S 12 hours 43 min ago view
  • The use of Peralta in any semblance of a high leverage situation is questionable at best.

    fixed that for ya.

    crunch 12 hours 49 min ago view
  • The use of Peralta in any semblance of a high leverage situation is questionable at best. Hind sight is easy but Peralta had nothing.

    Eric S 12 hours 58 min ago view
  • make that just peralta...

    crunch 12 hours 58 min ago view
  • a.soriano new OF fielding coach?

    crunch 14 hours 2 min ago view
  • Why is Almora jumping up on catches?

    jacos 14 hours 4 min ago view
  • "Tommy La Stella (hamstring) will remain on his minor league rehab assignment through at least Friday."

    should be an interesting roster shuffle once these guys trickle back in. i imagine patton or peralta are on the hot seat for la stella's return.

    crunch 14 hours 23 min ago view