Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

As spring training begins, [1] appears to be in the best shape of his life.  [1] lost [2] pounds in the offseason by adopting [3] 's fitness plan.  This plan involves eating only [4] and a daily exercise routine of [5] [6].

 

[1] isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form.  Concerns about [7] 's [8] linger.  While [7] insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only [9] will fix the problem.  Lou Piniella is relying on [7] to make at least [10] starts this year.

 

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for [11], where [12] appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more [13] candidates like [14].  If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a [15] veteran like [16].  While [17] is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax [18] out of retirement and play for the team.

 

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some [19] new attractions.  In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more [20]s, the Cubs have added advertising to the [21].  The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance.  Among the prominent brands to be found will be [22] and [23].  Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch.  We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary [24] [25] perform, and [26] will be making his (her) first appearnce since [27].  [28] is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) [29].

 

Comments

I took a REAL chance that 3-6 were connected, and it paid off for me in a big, big way. The risk was defintely worth the reward there. Also, I kind of thought that you were going towards the 7th inning stretch there at the end, which worked out nicely. I love madlibs. This should be a regular feature. Here's mine:

As spring training begins, Milton Bradley appears to be in the best shape of his life. Milton Bradley lost 100 pounds in the offseason by adopting Chad's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only horse balls and a daily exercise routine of performing fellatio.

Milton Bradley isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Koyie Hill's left hand linger. While Koyie Hill insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only cutting fingers off will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Koyie Hill to make at least 7 starts this year.

While most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for LOOGY, where Carlos Marmol appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more neat candidates like Mike Fontenot. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Adam Dunn. While Bruce Levine is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Walker out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some bad new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more late inning defensive replacements, the Cubs have added advertising to the drunk whores with their tits out who have no tangible knowledge of baseball. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary janitor Mike Ditka perform, and Jeff Gordon will be making his (her) first appearnce since Kellie Pickler did an interview with Len and Bob. Carlos Zambrano is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) cucumber.

I think I would pay money to see Zambrano ask Jeff Gordon for his cucumber.

Glad one person liked this, at least.  :)

I am slightly afraid that Milton Bradley is going to come after me like I'm a visiting TV announcer after he reads that first paragraph, though.

what?

a black man can't like horse balls?

racist.

~Transmission ducks~

I bet Babe Ruth liked horse balls.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9212720/Furor-o...

I think the real trouble that comes in with Milton (and Chad, in a related story) is that they aren't kosher.

FYI, I've lost 35 pounds since October. True story.

A hunger strike isn't going to get Obama out of the White House...

As spring training begins, Chad Fox appears to be in the best shape of his life. Fox lost -30 pounds in the offseason by adopting ARod 's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only chemically-enhanced skittles and a daily exercise routine of injecting & cream.

Fox isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Bako's oblique linger. While Bako insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only a lobotomy will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Bako to make at least 4 starts this year.

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for weak-ass hitting, semi-good fielding player, where Gathright appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more similar weak-ass hitting castoff candidates like Taguchi. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Corey Patterson. While Phil Rogers is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Hollandsworth out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some invigorating new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more aforementioned weak-ass hitting semigood fielding scrubs, the Cubs have added advertising to the dugouts. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be MVN.com and AIG. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary role-model athletes Charles Barkley perform, and Mark McGwire will be making his first appearnce since he wanted to only talk about the future. Milton Bradley is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him for his prescriptions.

and Trans, we are hiring drivers...

Awesome, both on the libs and the hiring.

For #27 - A tragedy - I thought you meant like a Shakespearean play, so I put down Macbeth. It kind of lost something because of that.

#27--might make more sense to have tried Sampson Agonistes in RF (by Milton).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson_Agonistes

Sampy Sosa? A muscle-bound former hero who was reduced to flailing at the ball like a blind man? Just don't put him by any load-bearing beams.

Sampy: tell A-Rod to skip the haircut

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  • Thanks AZ. If you like him, I like him.

    Old and Blue 50 min 16 sec ago view
  • Awesome report, and good to see Beeler on his way back.

    I'm also very happy to hear about the bi-level bump for Daniel Lewis. In the Name of Theo, he was the Last of the Full-Season Cuts, and There Will Be Blood for those who unnecessarily slow his development. Sure, he might end up in independent ball pitching for Lincoln. But if everything breaks right, he may even have a shot at joining up with the Gangs of Chicago. I wouldn't bet My Left Foot on it, though.

    John Beasley 1 hour 17 min ago view
  • CHARLIE: The Cubs did the same thing with LHSP Eric Jokisch last month, and it has nothing to do with needing the player's 40-man roster slot. 

    The hope is that another MLB club will claim the player, so that you aren't on the hook for any termination pay (which you would be if you release him) AND you pick up $20,000 from the claiming team, all for a guy you don't want going forward anyway.  

    Arizona Phil 1 hour 19 min ago view
  • Moosetacos, I like it. All I can think of is a bearded lumberjack dude operating a Mexican style taco truck with a Canadian accent.

    Sonicwind75 1 hour 55 min ago view
  • How strange is this for May? Is it insignificant, or does it suggest some sort of trade might be in the works?

    Charlie 2 hours 52 sec ago view
  • The Cubs have sent LHRP C. J. Riefenhauser outright to Iowa. 

    Cubs MLB 40-man roster now stands at 37 (three slots open). 

    Arizona Phil 2 hours 43 min ago view
  • yow...the a.gordon/m.moustakas collision now makes the schwarb collision look minor in scope.

    gordon broke his wrist, expected to miss 4+ weeks...and today moosetacos has been diagnosed with a torn ACL. fun times in KC.

    crunch 4 hours 17 min ago view
  • dodgers calling up julio urias for tommorow's game. neat.

    fernando-mania might have a new heir...dude is 19 (turns 20 in august) and he's got a legit argument for being MLB-ready.

    crunch 5 hours 8 min ago view
  • jacos 6 hours 28 min ago view
  • Happ was the #9 pick last year, and he moved from OF to 2B in the same offseason that Castro was traded.

    Gleyber also in the picture at second.

    VirginiaPhil 9 hours 56 min ago view
  • jacos 10 hours 16 min ago view
  • Co-sign

    Ryno 10 hours 16 min ago view
  • Transmission 10 hours 26 min ago view
  • O&B: I think D. J. Wilson is a legit MLB prospect.

    He is a hyperactive dynamo on the field, a protypical lead-off hitter who is looking to get on base any way he can, a triple machine (if there is such a thing) when he does make solid contact, a daring baserunner who goes berserk once he is on base, and a CF who plays a "no fear" crash & burn style of defense.

    Guys like that sometimes get injured more-often than the average player, but if he can stay healthy and continue to progress, I believe he will be an MLB CF, or at worst a 4th OF. 

    Arizona Phil 10 hours 37 min ago view
  • The hot start was nice, but it won't always come easy. It's nice to see them have to work for it every once in a while.

    Ryno 12 hours 44 min ago view
  • Hey, AZ, are you as high on DJ Wilson as your pal John Arguello is?

    Old and Blue 13 hours 2 min ago view