The Uncomfortable Reunion

(Hallway somewhere in Wrigley Field, two players emerge from the visiting team's clubhouse dressed to the nines in their gray road uniforms)

KW: Man, I sure miss this place...this city.

MD: Well, when you move to Cleveland, there's a good chance you'd miss living in Kazakhstan.

(They share a laugh as a portly gentleman comes towards them, head down, cell phone glued to ear)

JH: Yes, Andy...I'll be sure to pick up the dry cleaning, and pick-up dinner...glad you're flying in this weekend. How's Rich and Felix doing? They ever ask about me?

(Lost in conversation, the two parties bump into each other)
JH: Oh sorry, excuse me...

(He looks up, his heart stopping for a moment, he puts the phone away before finishing his conversation on the other line)

JH: I got to go Andy...

KW: Oh hey...

JH: Hey guys....wow, didn't expect to see you...figured you'd be busy visiting old friends and family and stuff.

MD: Um yeah, got the game today and all (gesturing towards the field).

JH: Right, right...yeah...so how are things going? I haven't been really able to keep up...you guys look great.

KW: Oh thanks...(forcing a compliment) you too.

JH: So are they treating you good in Cleveland?

MD: Sure, not the season we expected, but they've been good to us.

JH: Yeah, not the season we expected either, I can relate. 

(they share an uncomfortable laugh...you can see KW and MD itching to say more but they resist...an uncomfortable silence fills the air...JH finally fakes like his cell phone is vibrating)

JH: Oh look at there, got a call, I got to take this...

KW: Oh, alright...well it was great to see you.

JH: You guys too...it was really great to see you..

(they slowly walk away in opposite directions, KW and MD towards the field, JH sulks to inner bowels of Wrigley...as he reaches the end of the corridor he looks back, hoping they look back to, trying to muster the courage to say something...a small tear wells up in his eye)

JH: (under his breath) I miss you guys...

KW & MD:  (walking onto the field, the buzz of the stadium making it too loud to hear JH) Jack-ass!

(END SCENE)

 

Tags: 
Cubs Satire
Submitted by Rob G. on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 12:50pm
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Comments

Submitted by Chris
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 1:24pm

Listening to the Comcast interview with DeRosa just pisses me off all over again.

When the trade was made I was willing to give Hendry the benefit of the the doubt-- though I hated to see him go. Now as things have turned out as of yet.... What a stupid move. Maybe those arms the Cubs got in the deal will pay off? Who knows. All I know is DeRosa's production and clubhouse presence would make a huge impact on this sad sack team.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 1:47pm

it's clearly making a huge impact on the Indians (checks standings)

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:06pm

You are oversimplifying. I don't think Cleveland's problem is Mark Derosa.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:10pm

not having Mark DeRosa isn't the Cubs only problem either...

obviously the way he's starting hitting would have helped fill some of the void left by Aramis, but that leaves 6 other guys not hitting on the team.

and no, I don't care to hear about any B.S. about team chemistry...

Submitted by navigator
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:19pm

Then you must think DeRo is stupid because he says it is important and he never played on a team with better team chemistry than the '08 Cubs.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:33pm

when you win, team chemistry is great, when you lose, it's
not...occassionally there are exceptions, but you don't plan a ballclub
around it. 

Guess the Indian that said this...

You know what? Chemistry -- it's like the chicken or the egg? Which one
comes first -- winning or chemistry? I think you have chemistry when
you start winning. Some people say you don't win until you have
chemistry, so, I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that. But,
we've got a good group of guys here [in Cleveland], we had a great
group last year [in Chicago] -- I had a great time. I'm here in
Cleveland, we've got our own set of problems we're worrying about.

Submitted by granolaCUB
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:44pm

let's ask Phil Jackson what he thinks

Submitted by Chris
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:54pm

Exactly. What was I thinking? He's plays for the Indians and the Indians are bad. Clearly there wouldn't be an impact, huge or otherwise, if he were a Cub. The more I think about it, the more I realize the Cubs would be worse off with him.

Submitted by Chris
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 1:27pm

I'd like to be on the Wrigley grounds crew. What a job.

I imagine people asking, "Where do you work?". Wrigley. Wrigley Field. I don't think I'd ever get sick of it. My family would have to go on food stamps, but sacrifices have to be made sometimes.

Submitted by Stevens
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 1:42pm

They have that Groundskeeper for a Day contest. For my part, I couldn't imagine wanting to enter a contest where I had to go do somebody's job for a day. Especially at a Cubs game where I'd rather be watching the game. But it sounds like there are folks out there who would be interested. Might be right up your alley.

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:04pm

No way bro... just to say you did it, it would totally be worth it.

Submitted by WISCGRAD
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 1:52pm

When do the expect the game to start?

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:00pm

supposedly 2:30pm CST...

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:11pm

make it 2:45 according to Muskat...

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:03pm

Nice work Rob G. If your blogging ever fails you can write Rene Zellweger films.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:05pm

does she still make films?

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 2:07pm

Films in the loose sense of the word, yes, unfortunately.

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:40pm

Hope that's a typo... scoreboard says Indians have 4 hits and 6 runs in the 3rd inning.

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:52pm

Not a typo. *sigh*

6 runs... geesh, that's like a week's work for the Cubs lineup.

Submitted by billybucks
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 3:52pm

Cubs look like they don't belong on the same field as the Tribe -- and Cleveland is 10 games under .500.

Big Mo!

Submitted by Little Nate Lewis
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:11pm

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs...

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:16pm

DeRosa was asked the same "what do you miss most?" question and, like Wood, he didn't hesitate.

"Being a Cub," he said. "You can't take it for granted. This is a special place."

sob, sob...shut-up I'm cutting onions.

Submitted by Brick
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:15pm

Any suggestions for a team I can adopt for the rest of the summer?

I'll still root for the Cubs, but I'd like to have some fun following baseball too.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:21pm

well you can't root for any NL teams....

I think your best options are Angels trying to put things together after the Adenhart tragedy and rooting for Joe Mauer to hit .400. Not a lot of great underdog stories so far this year.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:30pm

his control is sketchy (hey, welcome to the Cubs), but nice movement on his fastball and a nice breaking pitch.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:41pm

didn't beat it out, but was going full out on a grounder up the middle.

Maybe time to try him in CF here and there and get Fox(0 for 3 vs. the lefty today) and Hoffpauir(not like he's hitting either) in there on occasion.

Fox hasn't killed anyone behind the 1st base dugout today either...so there's some good news. I only saw one chance myself.

Submitted by Mike Wellman
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 4:45pm

great scene, rob...only change I'd make would be KW & MD farting in unison w/ lifted legs instead of saying "jack-ass..."

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 5:21pm

alternate ending on the DVD

Submitted by Chris
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 5:11pm

Don't look now but that crazy Milton Bradley guy will be batting, .250 in no time!

Submitted by ultrapeanut
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 5:45pm

I was a trade-hater from day one, yo. I don't even hate Bradley, or anything; the moment Aaron Miles was signed my blood began to boil.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 6:33pm

that was fun....

Submitted by Doug Dascenzo
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 6:34pm

for the second day in a row:

CUBS WIN!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

Submitted by granolaCUB
on Fri, 06/19/2009 - 7:10pm

groundhog day ... almost

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