My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

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This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.


You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Comments

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

wtf...not televised?

WCIU

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Touché

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

wow...that long? damn.

according to Paul Sullivan

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

bob howry sure is bob howry.

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

Recent comments

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  • lester puts 2 on and is taken out at 96 pitches. oh well.

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    crunch 23 min 58 sec ago view
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    crunch 30 min 21 sec ago view
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    crunch 1 hour 6 min ago view
  • as a fan, he only "owes" us the game on the field and not getting in the way of others on his team being ready to play (imo).

    it's exponentially worse to his family and friends, but this dude most likely had 15+ years of play left and even though he just turned 24 a couple months ago he had already established himself as a top guy in the game.

    crunch 4 hours 28 min ago view
  • Carrie Muskat [email protected]

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    crunch 4 hours 50 min ago view
  • I know what you're trying to say, Charlie, that none of us feels what his loved ones must be feeling.

    On the other hand, what makes a death like this tragic is precisely the loss, based on Fernandez's youth and brilliance, to the baseball world.

    So, for example, we can say that Princess Diana's death meant more, in aggregate, to millions of admirers who didn't know her personally than to her loved ones.

    VirginiaPhil 4 hours 51 min ago view
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    The previous record was held by former New York Mets right-hander Tom Seaver, who struck out 10 straight hitters in 1970.

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    crunch 5 hours 16 min ago view
  • What a loss to baseball, which I'm sure pales in comparison to the personal loss to his loved ones.

    Charlie 7 hours 23 sec ago view
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    The E-Man 7 hours 44 min ago view
  • crunch 9 hours 26 min ago view
  • Reports this morning that Marlins' pitching ace Jose Fernandez died in a boating accident - just horrible news.

    Eric S 13 hours 18 min ago view
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    link

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    Eric S 1 day 6 hours ago view
  • And...now that runner scores on a single...

    The E-Man 1 day 7 hours ago view