My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

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This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.


You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Comments

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

wtf...not televised?

WCIU

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Touché

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

wow...that long? damn.

according to Paul Sullivan

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

bob howry sure is bob howry.

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

Recent comments

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  • To take my mind of this latest disaster...wow, I thought baseball money was crazy, but NBA money is now super-wacko crazy. Joakim Noah is 31 with bad knees and absolutely no offensive game. He can't make a layup. The Knicks just agreed to pay him $72M over 4 years. Holy crap.

    billybucks 24 min 44 sec ago view
  • "if"?

    billybucks 29 min 7 sec ago view
  • Thank you, Jason, for allowing me to get to bed at a decent hour. Very thoughtful.

    It will be very interesting to see what Theo does at the deadline. Of course, if Jake doesn't get straightened out, it really doesn't matter. A lot of Jake's comments this year, and his posing for nudie pics in the ESPN magazine, rang some alarm bells -- after one great year (and it was amazingly great), his head has swelled tremendously. Jake, look up the word "hubris", then look in the mirror.

    billybucks 29 min 36 sec ago view
  • ...and we're back from the 3rd rain delay.

    crunch 30 min 39 sec ago view
  • at least the cubs have a decent backup of...ummmm....well the minor league system has...uhhh...hmmm.

    maybe adam warren can manage to throw less than 100 pitches in 5 innings? no?

    well damn.

    crunch 38 min 26 sec ago view
  • Not to worry -- I'm sure Hammel will finish strong in the 2nd half of the season (~sad chuckle, reaches for Scotch bottle~).

    billybucks 44 min 2 sec ago view
  • Hammel has had a rather challenging last month. I am hoping post-break that Hendrix gets pushed ahead of him. They'll be lucky to win a game in NY

    The E-Man 1 hour 3 min ago view
  • hey, alright...cubs losing by 9 and a 3rd rain delay. awesome.

    crunch 1 hour 13 min ago view
  • If baseball does not work out for Patton, I think he's got a future in Civil War re-enactments. He's got a solid Johnny-Reb look to him.

    Eric S 1 hour 17 min ago view
  • David Ross - the mound awaits you.

    Eric S 1 hour 24 min ago view
  • RIP jason hammel's awesome ERA.

    10 ER in 4ip...almost a full point tacked on tonight, alone. 5HR given up tonight. oogly.

    crunch 1 hour 27 min ago view
  • Nimmo certainly does not want to see the Cubs leave town. His first MLB rbi last night and now his first HR.

    At least Hammel is eating some innings ... this is the kind of game Peralta should be used if at all.

    Eric S 1 hour 36 min ago view
  • OK, the hell with it.

    It's July 1 -- Hammel starting to suck right on schedule.

    Other than sweeping the Reds -- a bad team actively trying to lose -- this will make 8 losses in 9 games to good teams (Cards, Marlins, Mets). Not good at all.

    billybucks 1 hour 40 min ago view
  • Belicheat a consultant for the Red Sox?

    Eric S 2 hours 1 min ago view
  • And, so, Jason Hammel decides to test my new resolution right away. Sheesh.

    No Wright, no Duda, no Granderson -- no problem for NY. Ugh.

    billybucks 2 hours 7 min ago view
  • game restarting...degrom on the mound, hammel taking his AB.

    crunch 2 hours 28 min ago view