Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

As spring training begins, [1] appears to be in the best shape of his life.  [1] lost [2] pounds in the offseason by adopting [3] 's fitness plan.  This plan involves eating only [4] and a daily exercise routine of [5] [6].

 

[1] isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form.  Concerns about [7] 's [8] linger.  While [7] insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only [9] will fix the problem.  Lou Piniella is relying on [7] to make at least [10] starts this year.

 

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for [11], where [12] appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more [13] candidates like [14].  If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a [15] veteran like [16].  While [17] is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax [18] out of retirement and play for the team.

 

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some [19] new attractions.  In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more [20]s, the Cubs have added advertising to the [21].  The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance.  Among the prominent brands to be found will be [22] and [23].  Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch.  We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary [24] [25] perform, and [26] will be making his (her) first appearnce since [27].  [28] is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) [29].

 

Comments

I took a REAL chance that 3-6 were connected, and it paid off for me in a big, big way. The risk was defintely worth the reward there. Also, I kind of thought that you were going towards the 7th inning stretch there at the end, which worked out nicely. I love madlibs. This should be a regular feature. Here's mine:

As spring training begins, Milton Bradley appears to be in the best shape of his life. Milton Bradley lost 100 pounds in the offseason by adopting Chad's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only horse balls and a daily exercise routine of performing fellatio.

Milton Bradley isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Koyie Hill's left hand linger. While Koyie Hill insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only cutting fingers off will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Koyie Hill to make at least 7 starts this year.

While most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for LOOGY, where Carlos Marmol appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more neat candidates like Mike Fontenot. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Adam Dunn. While Bruce Levine is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Walker out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some bad new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more late inning defensive replacements, the Cubs have added advertising to the drunk whores with their tits out who have no tangible knowledge of baseball. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary janitor Mike Ditka perform, and Jeff Gordon will be making his (her) first appearnce since Kellie Pickler did an interview with Len and Bob. Carlos Zambrano is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) cucumber.

I think I would pay money to see Zambrano ask Jeff Gordon for his cucumber.

Glad one person liked this, at least.  :)

I am slightly afraid that Milton Bradley is going to come after me like I'm a visiting TV announcer after he reads that first paragraph, though.

what?

a black man can't like horse balls?

racist.

~Transmission ducks~

I bet Babe Ruth liked horse balls.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9212720/Furor-o...

I think the real trouble that comes in with Milton (and Chad, in a related story) is that they aren't kosher.

FYI, I've lost 35 pounds since October. True story.

A hunger strike isn't going to get Obama out of the White House...

As spring training begins, Chad Fox appears to be in the best shape of his life. Fox lost -30 pounds in the offseason by adopting ARod 's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only chemically-enhanced skittles and a daily exercise routine of injecting & cream.

Fox isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Bako's oblique linger. While Bako insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only a lobotomy will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Bako to make at least 4 starts this year.

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for weak-ass hitting, semi-good fielding player, where Gathright appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more similar weak-ass hitting castoff candidates like Taguchi. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Corey Patterson. While Phil Rogers is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Hollandsworth out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some invigorating new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more aforementioned weak-ass hitting semigood fielding scrubs, the Cubs have added advertising to the dugouts. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be MVN.com and AIG. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary role-model athletes Charles Barkley perform, and Mark McGwire will be making his first appearnce since he wanted to only talk about the future. Milton Bradley is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him for his prescriptions.

and Trans, we are hiring drivers...

Awesome, both on the libs and the hiring.

For #27 - A tragedy - I thought you meant like a Shakespearean play, so I put down Macbeth. It kind of lost something because of that.

#27--might make more sense to have tried Sampson Agonistes in RF (by Milton).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson_Agonistes

Sampy Sosa? A muscle-bound former hero who was reduced to flailing at the ball like a blind man? Just don't put him by any load-bearing beams.

Sampy: tell A-Rod to skip the haircut

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  • AZ Phil, has Nathan showed up in Mesa yet? Thanks.

    Hagsag 3 hours 49 min ago view
  • Eickhoff looks like a good young pitcher. Lets steal him!

    Hagsag 3 hours 50 min ago view
  • Manny Rondon faced 13 batters ... and got 10 to K. Not a bad day's work.

    Eric S 13 hours 31 min ago view
  • With several other Cubs hitters bailing out on curves today I think overall it wasn't being seen well. It for sure looked silly but a good breaking pitch coming at you and then breaking down isn't the easiest thing to see and has made many hitters look silly. Also Soler should have more walks this year but for quite a few called strikes that were actual balls and even the called strike he bailed on was borderline.

    johann 16 hours 29 min ago view
  • it's not like we're talking about a guy who's never had issues with pitch selection and seeing the ball over here. we're talking about a guy who has some rather legendary swing-and-misses at breaking stuff who's been exploited low. going forward it's worth paying attention to seeing if he can be exploited inside, too. he seriously bailed out of the box on a called strike. sure it was a good curve, but he obviously didn't see that well at all.

    crunch 16 hours 41 min ago view
  • It would seem like he is figuring it out now and it's really coming together. Really happy for him. Joe was really protecting him from the 3rd time through the order, but as you allude to, he is earning trust to go deeper.

    Wondering if has potential to become a #3 pitcher? His current stats certainly support it.

    The E-Man 16 hours 50 min ago view
  • That doesn't count b/c CRUNCH didn't see it on his 60" HDTV 5 times in replay.

    I have seen many players "bail out" when the ball looked like it was gonna hit them.

    Especially with the advent of the splitter and pitchers that can really get the ball to dance. Marmol, Sutter, Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe, Smoltz, Arrietta...

    These guys have made the best bail out only for the ball to come over the plate and be called a strike.

    No shame in that. The same way players whiff hard enough to cause them to drill a hole in the ground from spinning.

    The E-Man 16 hours 55 min ago view
  • a 60" TV with slow-motion replay and multiple looks on that replay helps...a lot...

    it's one thing to shy away like he did the 2nd time, it's another to bail out of the box on a called strike. that happened in the 1st one he pulled away from. he misjudged that one by a foot or so...

    crunch 17 hours 14 min ago view
  • Good Hendricks sure is fun to watch. He was hitting all his corners today and the Phillies couldn't do anything with his changeup.

    johann 17 hours 50 min ago view
  • Bryant and I believe Zobrist both did that too.

    johann 18 hours 8 min ago view
  • Soler BB acumen and plate awareness is excellent. Not unusual for even the best players to react as if they were about to hit them, "even though they weren't that close" from your vantage point sitting on your deck, or wherever.

    The E-Man 18 hours 9 min ago view
  • soler vs inside breaking balls is scary.

    he's had 2 inside curve balls today where he reacted as if they were about to hit him even though they weren't that close...one he bailed out of the box on, it was a called strike.

    crunch 18 hours 27 min ago view
  • j.urias optioned back to AAA...guess we wont be seeing him in the LAD series.

    crunch 18 hours 35 min ago view
  • so is him actually getting 2 hits in a game (2 doubles!)...first time he's even been on base 2 times in a game since 9 games ago on his 3/4, 1bb day.

    im ready for him to at least look like a 2-slot hitter since he's gonna be slotted there no matter what he does.

    crunch 19 hours 30 min ago view
  • That Heyward move to avoid Bryant's ball hit at him was a thing of beauty too.

    johann 19 hours 48 min ago view
  • 9 pitches in and this game already rules.

    HR, double...bryant's turn (who came out to a Kris Kross song for some horrible, horrible reason).

    ...2 run inning...zoobrest hitting streak at 14.

    crunch 19 hours 52 min ago view