Match Game

I thinks it's important that we come up with the perfect term to describe the annihilation of the Brew Bitches from the North. So please fill-in with the most appropriate verb. All submissions are welcome.

The Cubs (blanked) the Brewers.

a few to start you off: dominated, beat-up, skull-fucked, etc... 

If you need to add a metaphor or point of reference to the end of the sentence, that is acceptable as well.


gyro-screwed and what-the-fuckulated

Game Thread Pic over at the Brew Crew Ball Blog

The Cubs (LeeEliad) the Brewers. Yeah, Baby!


Can't add much creative...
Cubs ManRammed the Brewers

But I have been laughing for 30 minutes over this onion article...especially the pictures. I'm sure it's old news, but holy crap is that good stuff.

That is the best Onion article ever.

Sorry. Not as funny. Those pictures of Fielder as the burger and Sabathia as the hotdog are still making me laugh.

That's not to say I don't like your article. It's great and clever but it's not in the same league as Blockhead's.

That's ok. I didn't write it. I always just find their religious stuff funnier than the sports.

I've always been partial to this one:

The Cubs (played good baseball against) the Brewers.

oh no you didn't...

I know. I'm naughty.

The Cubs (pwned) the Brewers.


I think you had a typo. Did you mean "owned?"


The Cubs BeaArthured the Brewers.

The Cubs Bukkaked the Brewers

The Cubs [censored] the Brewers.

Oh MVN -- I don't miss you at all.

Gene, I'm going with "had anal sex with from the top position."

If nothing else, I'm certain I at least matched Charles Nelson Riley.

Silly me, i would have been happy with a split!

The Cubs Boguslawed the Brewers like a toothless Sox fan.



cock fucked

The Cubs "lillyzdempsterhardened" the Brewers.

Sounds Norwegian or Germanic... say it fast.

but the Nats lineup for tonight does not have one hitter with an OPS over .800 or a single hitter with an OBP over .340.

The Cubs burninated the Brewers!!

HARDEN was a man
I mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon

But he was still HARDEN!

Burninating the countryside,
Burninating the Brewers
Burninating all the peoples
And their thatched-roof COTTAGES!



The Cubs [SOTOmized] the Brewers.

The Cubs read them the riot act

"We don't like the fact that we allowed their fans to come into our park and have a four-day party," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. "But that's our fault."

the Cubs braunschweigered the Brewers...

The Cubs "Randall Simon-ed" the Brewers.

This was my joke too, but I was going with 'Sausage Slapped' and post the link.

The Cubs outclassed the Brewers. They could have easily won the first 2 games if it wasnt for some bad defensive plays. Milwaukee showed in this series that they have not grown as baseball team from last year.

the Cubs blunt force trauma-ed the Brewers [who by the way look like crap as a group in uniform; between them Sheets, Hardy, Hart, Fatboy, et. al look like a bad pajama party]...

I think the Cubs , made 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.

I am horrified to say this, but I think Chad wins.

and boom goes the dynamite!

The bomb diggity, yo.

The cubs "Barretted" the Brew crew

Randall Simon'ed gets my vote, but Chad and Whipple are up there as well. Lee Elia'd isn't bad either.

8-4 in the bottom of the 8th. Could be 5 games up with our favorite whipping boys coming to town minus Nady and Bay.

Five games up! WOO! Quite the change from five days ago. =)

The Cubs "oops-maybe-we-shouldn't-have-traded-all-of-our-best-prospects-for-three-months-of-CC-ed" the Brewers

took the Cubs about 10 games to lose their 6 game lead over the Brewers, and now got 5 back in a period of 5 games. Point being, there's a lot of baseball left to be played, and things change quickly.

Cubs schedule is killer in September, so we need to use this long homestand to build a cushion and fight from there.

not like there's anything like an easy series in baseball, but if you assume the Cubs have advantage in all their home series with they way they've played at Wrigley, the only "difficult" series they have in August is three games @ Florida.

They're only other road games in August are vs Pitt and Atlanta. 


Cubs magic number is 49...

too soon?

when it gets under 20, that's when it gets real fun.

ha...from the cbssportsline blog of the twins-Sox game.

"Span gets hit on the knee but the umpire says he was bunting. Gardenhire argues the call and gets thrown out of the game. The fans start throwing hats onto the field and Ozzie Guillen pulls his team off the field. And now he's getting into an arguement with a fan! This is one of the stranger delays I've ever seen"

Sox fan bro-in-law of mine just called, says it was AJ who made that play a reality by keeping his head in the game and asking the ump, "was he bunting???"

I hate AJ, but mostly because he's good.

And I hate the quality of MLB umpires, who keep believing his acting rather than their own eyes.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

Or maybe the team just started hitting bad pitching, and it had nothing to do with with Gardy, fans, AJ, or Ozzie.

Or maybe they didn't. They scored 7 of their runs against a guys with a 3.31, a 2.53 and a 3.23.

Not sure bad pitching is completely accurate.

I didn't mean that they were bad pitcher... I just meant that the Twins hitters may have just started hitting better than the Sox were pitching.

Maybe it didn't have anything to do with it. But the point of AJ's acting was to get a called strike instead of a HBP.

He got that but also got a very long delay in the game. The pitcher wound up throwing 3 straight balls, resulting in a walk that started a 4 run rally.

You'll never be able to prove either way exactly what effect the delay had on the game. Maybe it was all just a coincidence that the White Sox pitchers lost control after a long delay and maybe its just a coincidence that the Twins started to hit after being given a very bad call as an event to rally around, but I wouldn't dismiss an event like a long delay simply because it doesn't show up in the box score.

March/April: 17-10
May: 18-11
June: 15-12
July: 15-11

65-44 with a .596 winning percentage, which would be good for 96 wins. Have now played 3 more road games than home games.

19 @ home...9 on the road in August.

on their Yahoo team page it says Lou would like to get Samardzija in back-to-back games this weekend. Says he put him in a 7-0 game to give him late-inning work on the road.

The Cubs Kermit-Washington-Rudy-Tomjanoviched the Brewers.

They never saw it coming.
This is the best Onion article EVER! Sorry, a little late in the thread... This should be right up your alley, The Joe!

Pie tripled and scored in the first, then was taken out.

Any info?

i believe it was a injured hand/wrist...

I was there today, and I would swear out of 45,346 in attendance at least half were Cubs fans. It was unbelievable. Even the tail-gaters in the parking lots were 50/50 Cubs/Brewers fans. It was like the stadium and the Brewers were our bitches.

5 days ago CHC/MIL were tied for 1st and STL was 3 games trailing the leaders.

now CHC has a 5 game lead over STL/MIL who are tied for 2nd.


LoDuca and Felipe Lopez...of course, if you're not good enough to crack their lineup, you're probably not much use to anyone.

BP is still expecting Felipe Lopez to repeat his 2005 season at anytime. :)

My favorite Onion moment, and yes this is horribly un-p.c. It was one of their headlines without articles, "Special Olymipcs T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game."

Yes. I laughed, and I felt bad about it. I still laugh... every... single... time.

Quit stat observation:

I think it was Rob G. who noticed earlier this year that the Cubs had a great record in games decided by 3 runs or more. This was considered important because losing a one-run game could be a crapshot, but losing a 3-run game means that you were well and truly submissive.

The Cubs are leading all of baseball with a run differential of +130.
That means that when we win, be bust out the Obliviaxe.
The next closest team is the Red Sox with a +82. They have 48 more runs than the Red Sox.

The Cubs are #2 in all of baseball with 580 runs scored (Rangers with 610).

Oh so pretty...

don't think it was me, but Cubs are 15-17 in one-run games.

20-10 in "blowouts" (5 runs or more).

not sure about 3 runs or more or where to find that... 

New SAT question:


correct answer


Cubs:Brewers :: Brett Meyers:Wife

Cubs:Brewers :: Prince:Party Try of Hummus & Vegetables

Shakespeare: The Cubs unseamed the Brewers from the nave to th' chops.

Cartoon character w/Bronx accent: The Cubs moidalized the Brewers.

Psychiatrist: The Cubs inflicted a closed-head injury on the Brewers, who report neurologic sequelae to include dizziness, loss of orientation, aggressive behavior, and feelings of depression and anxiety.

Reality: The Cubs completely unnerved, and exposed, the Brewers.

My favorite Onion-baseball story, courtesy of (one of) my favorite whipping boy(s):

To provide a Match Game answer:

The Cubs Farnsworthed the Brewers.

To provide another answer to my SAT question above

Moises Alou:Hands

The Cubs [You know that disgusting goo which has to be cleaned out of the brewery vats after fermentation is done and the beer is gone? Yeah that. The Cubs de-goo-ed] the Brewers.

More of a concept than a phrase, really

Griff Sr. talking about Junior: "People have no idea what he went through in his career," Griffey said. "The first time he broke his hand in Seattle, it was bad, man. I thought he might miss two years. They put a plate in his hand and he was back in six weeks. Then a screw came loose in the plate and he screwed it back in himself."

My favorite Onion baseball story:

Classic. I really wanted to stop reading it, but I couldn't.

That was pretty classic.

Reading many of the above is such a blast.

S.A.T.?! LOL!



Where else would you see this shit re Cubs baseball, I ask??

One of the many reasons why I love TCR!

Dotel gave up the 7th inning back to backs for DLee/Aram...Kubel was just studying that video when Ozzie pulled his players off the field.


Just a couple names from ESPN 1K

Dome 2nd
Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th
Cedeno, SS, 8th

Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th

I thought it was Little Babe Ruth.

Oh - Jimmy Hollywood, 5th

LF Soriano
RF Fukudome
1B Lee
3B Ramirez
CF Edmonds
C Soto
2B Fontenot
SS Cedeno
P Marquis

They didnt mention the Pirates lineup but that should be interesting if Laroache and Moss had logistics issue with that trade going down suddenly so its not like they had a heads up to get ready to get to Chicago.

(EDIT): Laroache and Moss are in the lineup.

2B Rivas
1B Douggy M.
CF McLouth
C Doumit
3B Laroache
RF Moss
LF Michaels
SS Wilson
P Karstens

ENOBAY. Me likee.

I actually really like this lineup


With all due respect, this is the greatest Onion article:

I am just glad crunch made it.

Seriously though, Yo La Tengo is for the the 'What fucking Ian?'s of the world, not the Rob Gordons.

The Cubs did not only Skull-fuck the Brewers with that sweep two weeks ago!!! they skull fucked the Cardinals too!!!

Recent comments

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  • Correct. Castro 5th, AJax 6th; I'll edit my lineup post to fix this.

  • Lineup: Fowler, Soler, KB, Rizzo, Castro, AJax, Montero, Hendricks, Russell

  • if he put ajax 1st/2nd in the f'n playoffs he deserves to lose his nearly sure-thing MOY award to terry collins.

  • I believe Castro batting fifth, Ajax (LF) sixth

  • Maddon did not listen to me yesterday re Strop, or EricS on Schwarbs today.

    Wtf is up w/that?!

  • Crunch got his wish - Ajax not hitting 1-2 in the lineup ...

  • I know he's struggles against lefties but Schwarber seems zoned in - hope he starts tonight.

  • Awesome stuff, Phil.

  • listening on ESPN 1000, caller says Bill Welke will be the home plate ump today. Supposedly his reputation is for having an even bigger strike zone than last night's Phil Cuzzi. Some of the issues with bad umpiring come from an inconsistent strike zone. Hoping at least for consistency. Last night's called strike on David Ross was outright embarrassing for Cuzzi.

    That might work out in favor of Kyle Hendricks, who benefits much from a large strike zone.

  • it's kind of mesmerizing to watch
    should Theo add some Ted Abernathy videos for minor league pitching coordinator's use?

    sadly, Ted passed away in 2004 from complications of Alzheimers. I always loved the Cub bullpen trio of Phil Regan, Ted Abernathy and Hank Aguirre. As a kid, I even worked on both Phil Regan (very quirky delivery) and Ted Abernathy (extreme submarine) imitations when throwing a rubber ball against a wall. It wasn't a good imitation unless I could scrape my knuckles off the ground. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for submariners.

  • HAGSAG: Chris Pieters was sent to instructs to develop his hitting, bunting, and outfield play (he is already a decent first-baseman).  

    Pieters is tall and rangy , a "long-strider" in the same mold as Trey Martin and Rashad Crawford. He is a very patient hitter (unusual for a hitter with his lack of experience) and has an outstanding (almost uncanny) eye at the plate, and he is a fast runner with unusually good baserunning instincts, and he is a good basestealer, too.

  • I doubt we will see Pedro in any more "high leverage" situations this series. With Hendricks and the pen today, we need Bryant-Rizzo-Castro to get going ASAP.

  • One funny thing to see before the game was the two submariner pitchers (David Berg and Corbin Hoffner) playing catch with each other. Both pitchers throw "submarine" even when they play catch, and it's kind of mesmerizing to watch, even for the other players. 

  • CUBSTER: One of the points of emphasis  at "basic" Instructs this year was teaching the position players the art of baserunning and base-stealing, like getting a good primary and seconday lead, reading the pitcher, cutting bases sharply, and different ways to slide to maximize the baserunner's chance to arrive safely. 

  • has some interesting stats/graphs on pitch and strike zones and you can dial up individual games/pitchers. I'd love to see some comments from readers who can interpret this better than I can. I thought the Ump was really inconsistent with a very wide zone. Does this info seem to match up with my eyeball perception? Also, looking at the graphs, Lackey was not throwing as many pitches below the K-zone (certainly more above) while Lester was clearly getting his pitches down and not many above.

  • As I was fearing in my post yesterday, Maddon keeps trotting Strop out against the Redbirds and he constantly fails. I understand the psychology behind this, but in a series where there is a finite lock on who moves on, why does he keep riding the wrong horse?