Match Game

I thinks it's important that we come up with the perfect term to describe the annihilation of the Brew Bitches from the North. So please fill-in with the most appropriate verb. All submissions are welcome.

The Cubs (blanked) the Brewers.

a few to start you off: dominated, beat-up, skull-fucked, etc... 

If you need to add a metaphor or point of reference to the end of the sentence, that is acceptable as well.

Comments

gyro-screwed and what-the-fuckulated

Game Thread Pic over at the Brew Crew Ball Blog
http://assets.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/11085/2...

The Cubs (LeeEliad) the Brewers. Yeah, Baby!

Divisionated

Can't add much creative...
Cubs ManRammed the Brewers

But I have been laughing for 30 minutes over this onion article...especially the pictures. I'm sure it's old news, but holy crap is that good stuff.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/c_c_sabathia_...

That is the best Onion article ever.

Sorry. Not as funny. Those pictures of Fielder as the burger and Sabathia as the hotdog are still making me laugh.

That's not to say I don't like your article. It's great and clever but it's not in the same league as Blockhead's.

That's ok. I didn't write it. I always just find their religious stuff funnier than the sports.

I've always been partial to this one:

http://origin.theonion.com/content/node/27656

The Cubs (played good baseball against) the Brewers.

oh no you didn't...

I know. I'm naughty.

The Cubs (pwned) the Brewers.

Ummm...

I think you had a typo. Did you mean "owned?"

:)

The Cubs BeaArthured the Brewers.

The Cubs Bukkaked the Brewers

The Cubs [censored] the Brewers.

Oh MVN -- I don't miss you at all.

Gene, I'm going with "had anal sex with from the top position."

If nothing else, I'm certain I at least matched Charles Nelson Riley.

Silly me, i would have been happy with a split!

The Cubs Boguslawed the Brewers like a toothless Sox fan.

"bitch-slapped"

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cock fucked

The Cubs "lillyzdempsterhardened" the Brewers.

Sounds Norwegian or Germanic... say it fast.

but the Nats lineup for tonight does not have one hitter with an OPS over .800 or a single hitter with an OBP over .340.

The Cubs burninated the Brewers!!

HARDEN was a man
I mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon

But he was still HARDEN!
HARDEN!

Burninating the countryside,
Burninating the Brewers
Burninating all the peoples
And their thatched-roof COTTAGES!

THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!

I said CONSUMMATE K's! CONSUMMATE!

The Cubs [SOTOmized] the Brewers.

The Cubs read them the riot act

"We don't like the fact that we allowed their fans to come into our park and have a four-day party," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. "But that's our fault."

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/gameday_recap.jsp?ymd=2008...

the Cubs braunschweigered the Brewers...

The Cubs "Randall Simon-ed" the Brewers.

This was my joke too, but I was going with 'Sausage Slapped' and post the link.

The Cubs outclassed the Brewers. They could have easily won the first 2 games if it wasnt for some bad defensive plays. Milwaukee showed in this series that they have not grown as baseball team from last year.

the Cubs blunt force trauma-ed the Brewers [who by the way look like crap as a group in uniform; between them Sheets, Hardy, Hart, Fatboy, et. al look like a bad pajama party]...

I think the Cubs , made 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.

I am horrified to say this, but I think Chad wins.

and boom goes the dynamite!

The bomb diggity, yo.

The cubs "Barretted" the Brew crew

Randall Simon'ed gets my vote, but Chad and Whipple are up there as well. Lee Elia'd isn't bad either.

8-4 in the bottom of the 8th. Could be 5 games up with our favorite whipping boys coming to town minus Nady and Bay.

Five games up! WOO! Quite the change from five days ago. =)

The Cubs "oops-maybe-we-shouldn't-have-traded-all-of-our-best-prospects-for-three-months-of-CC-ed" the Brewers

took the Cubs about 10 games to lose their 6 game lead over the Brewers, and now got 5 back in a period of 5 games. Point being, there's a lot of baseball left to be played, and things change quickly.

Cubs schedule is killer in September, so we need to use this long homestand to build a cushion and fight from there.

not like there's anything like an easy series in baseball, but if you assume the Cubs have advantage in all their home series with they way they've played at Wrigley, the only "difficult" series they have in August is three games @ Florida.

They're only other road games in August are vs Pitt and Atlanta. 

 

Cubs magic number is 49...

too soon?

yes....
when it gets under 20, that's when it gets real fun.

ha...from the cbssportsline blog of the twins-Sox game.

"Span gets hit on the knee but the umpire says he was bunting. Gardenhire argues the call and gets thrown out of the game. The fans start throwing hats onto the field and Ozzie Guillen pulls his team off the field. And now he's getting into an arguement with a fan! This is one of the stranger delays I've ever seen"

Sox fan bro-in-law of mine just called, says it was AJ who made that play a reality by keeping his head in the game and asking the ump, "was he bunting???"

I hate AJ, but mostly because he's good.

And I hate the quality of MLB umpires, who keep believing his acting rather than their own eyes.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

Or maybe the team just started hitting bad pitching, and it had nothing to do with with Gardy, fans, AJ, or Ozzie.

Or maybe they didn't. They scored 7 of their runs against a guys with a 3.31, a 2.53 and a 3.23.

Not sure bad pitching is completely accurate.

I didn't mean that they were bad pitcher... I just meant that the Twins hitters may have just started hitting better than the Sox were pitching.

Maybe it didn't have anything to do with it. But the point of AJ's acting was to get a called strike instead of a HBP.

He got that but also got a very long delay in the game. The pitcher wound up throwing 3 straight balls, resulting in a walk that started a 4 run rally.

You'll never be able to prove either way exactly what effect the delay had on the game. Maybe it was all just a coincidence that the White Sox pitchers lost control after a long delay and maybe its just a coincidence that the Twins started to hit after being given a very bad call as an event to rally around, but I wouldn't dismiss an event like a long delay simply because it doesn't show up in the box score.

March/April: 17-10
May: 18-11
June: 15-12
July: 15-11

65-44 with a .596 winning percentage, which would be good for 96 wins. Have now played 3 more road games than home games.

19 @ home...9 on the road in August.

on their Yahoo team page it says Lou would like to get Samardzija in back-to-back games this weekend. Says he put him in a 7-0 game to give him late-inning work on the road.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/teams/chc

The Cubs Kermit-Washington-Rudy-Tomjanoviched the Brewers.

They never saw it coming.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39027
This is the best Onion article EVER! Sorry, a little late in the thread... This should be right up your alley, The Joe!

Pie tripled and scored in the first, then was taken out.

Any info?

i believe it was a injured hand/wrist...

I was there today, and I would swear out of 45,346 in attendance at least half were Cubs fans. It was unbelievable. Even the tail-gaters in the parking lots were 50/50 Cubs/Brewers fans. It was like the stadium and the Brewers were our bitches.

5 days ago CHC/MIL were tied for 1st and STL was 3 games trailing the leaders.

now CHC has a 5 game lead over STL/MIL who are tied for 2nd.

dizamn.

LoDuca and Felipe Lopez...of course, if you're not good enough to crack their lineup, you're probably not much use to anyone.

BP is still expecting Felipe Lopez to repeat his 2005 season at anytime. :)

My favorite Onion moment, and yes this is horribly un-p.c. It was one of their headlines without articles, "Special Olymipcs T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game."

Yes. I laughed, and I felt bad about it. I still laugh... every... single... time.

Quit stat observation:

I think it was Rob G. who noticed earlier this year that the Cubs had a great record in games decided by 3 runs or more. This was considered important because losing a one-run game could be a crapshot, but losing a 3-run game means that you were well and truly submissive.

The Cubs are leading all of baseball with a run differential of +130.
That means that when we win, be bust out the Obliviaxe.
The next closest team is the Red Sox with a +82. They have 48 more runs than the Red Sox.

The Cubs are #2 in all of baseball with 580 runs scored (Rangers with 610).

Oh so pretty...

don't think it was me, but Cubs are 15-17 in one-run games.

20-10 in "blowouts" (5 runs or more).

not sure about 3 runs or more or where to find that... 

New SAT question:

Cubs:Brewers

correct answer

Hammer:Nail

Cubs:Brewers :: Brett Meyers:Wife

Cubs:Brewers :: Prince:Party Try of Hummus & Vegetables

Shakespeare: The Cubs unseamed the Brewers from the nave to th' chops.

Cartoon character w/Bronx accent: The Cubs moidalized the Brewers.

Psychiatrist: The Cubs inflicted a closed-head injury on the Brewers, who report neurologic sequelae to include dizziness, loss of orientation, aggressive behavior, and feelings of depression and anxiety.

Reality: The Cubs completely unnerved, and exposed, the Brewers.

My favorite Onion-baseball story, courtesy of (one of) my favorite whipping boy(s):

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/pirate...

To provide a Match Game answer:

The Cubs Farnsworthed the Brewers.

To provide another answer to my SAT question above

Cubs:Brewers
Moises Alou:Hands

The Cubs [You know that disgusting goo which has to be cleaned out of the brewery vats after fermentation is done and the beer is gone? Yeah that. The Cubs de-goo-ed] the Brewers.

More of a concept than a phrase, really

Griff Sr. talking about Junior: "People have no idea what he went through in his career," Griffey said. "The first time he broke his hand in Seattle, it was bad, man. I thought he might miss two years. They put a plate in his hand and he was back in six weeks. Then a screw came loose in the plate and he screwed it back in himself."

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/bas...

My favorite Onion baseball story:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51526

Classic. I really wanted to stop reading it, but I couldn't.

That was pretty classic.

Reading many of the above is such a blast.

S.A.T.?! LOL!

Shakespeare?!

SIMON-ED?!! HAHA!!

Where else would you see this shit re Cubs baseball, I ask??

One of the many reasons why I love TCR!

Dotel gave up the 7th inning back to backs for DLee/Aram...Kubel was just studying that video when Ozzie pulled his players off the field.

http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/news/wrap.jsp?ymd=2008...

Lineup:

Just a couple names from ESPN 1K

Dome 2nd
Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th
Cedeno, SS, 8th

Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th

I thought it was Little Babe Ruth.

Oh - Jimmy Hollywood, 5th

LF Soriano
RF Fukudome
1B Lee
3B Ramirez
CF Edmonds
C Soto
2B Fontenot
SS Cedeno
P Marquis

They didnt mention the Pirates lineup but that should be interesting if Laroache and Moss had logistics issue with that trade going down suddenly so its not like they had a heads up to get ready to get to Chicago.

(EDIT): Laroache and Moss are in the lineup.

2B Rivas
1B Douggy M.
CF McLouth
C Doumit
3B Laroache
RF Moss
LF Michaels
SS Wilson
P Karstens

ENOBAY. Me likee.

I actually really like this lineup

R
L
R
R
L
R
L
R
L

With all due respect, this is the greatest Onion article:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870

I am just glad crunch made it.

Seriously though, Yo La Tengo is for the the 'What fucking Ian?'s of the world, not the Rob Gordons.

The Cubs did not only Skull-fuck the Brewers with that sweep two weeks ago!!! they skull fucked the Cardinals too!!!

Recent comments

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  • kuhl is a righty, not a lefty.

    i think maddon might think kuhl is a lefty, too. i wonder what the reasoning is for baez leading off vs a rightie.

    crunch 37 min 38 sec ago view
  • "trout's one of the best, and at this point should probably win over donaldson (and should have more MVPs in the past, too), but the defensive aspect of valuing WAR still needs more tweaking...imo."

    that's from my 1st post. there's no suck involved in that. maybe with a few less posts about bullshit that point would have jumped out more.

    crunch 1 hour 24 min ago view
  • crunch - you do know that, taking defense out of the equation, Trout has led the AL in wRC+ each of those years, right?

    And, if you want to complain about position adjustment (which would be serious #crunchsplaining), he's been in the top 3 in the AL in WC (not park/league/position adjusted). And the only players ahead of him (if there were any players ahead of him) in any of those years have been DHs or 1B that play lousy defense.

    But sure - Trout sucks (or at least isn't as good as WAR says). Because it factors in defense and position.

    big_lowitzki 2 hours 29 min ago view
  • early tim tebow stuff rolling in...

    ran a 6.7 60yd (above average)...shagging flies in RF and showed off a rather impressive arm a few times, but average-at best on most of his throws...hit a few over the fence (both fields), fouled or weak contact a few...he's got a touch of power

    it'll be interesting to see who bites on this project, if anyone. he probably projected himself out of RF and into LF/1st because of his arm, but unless he can make that power work on a steady basis it'll be hard for him to play himself up anyone's system.

    crunch 3 hours 14 min ago view
  • LHP Clayton Richard (released by the Cubs earlier this month) is pitching very well as a starting pitcher for the San Diego Padres and could be a good candidate to get traded to a contender looking for a veteran SP before tomorrow night's post-season roster eligibility deadline.

    Because they released him, the Cubs are paying most of Richard's 2016 salary (the Cubs are on the hooks for $2M, minus the pro-rated portion of the MLB minimum salary that is paid by the Padres).

    Arizona Phil 5 hours 1 min ago view
  • it is honestly awesome (for real) that anyone would even have a strong opinion on AZL playoffs. i guess if you invest enough time watching it, you want to see a fair/just playoff structure.

    plus, the kids deserve it.

    crunch 5 hours 2 min ago view
  • The AZL team with the best record over the course of the full 2016 AZL season and the only AZL team to play .600 ball (the AZL Dodgers) did not qualify for the AZL playoffs, and the AZL East Division team with the best record over the course of the full season (the AZL Athletics) did not qualify for the AZL playoffs, either. 

    That's because of the ridiculous "split season" schedule most of the minor leagues now play, a stupid system that rewards mediocrity at the expense of the worthy. 

    Arizona Phil 5 hours 9 min ago view
  • Despite good movement on his fastball, I think location kept him from getting Ks. Left some pitches up and away that got hammered up and away. Then of course Travis Wood gave up the 2-run double in the 7th, but both runs counted against Arrieta.

    Charlie 5 hours 45 min ago view
  • "i'm gonna make you my main squeeze one day, bro. save the date."

    This level of discourse is #charming.

    #baseballtalk

    Tito 5 hours 46 min ago view
  • I would be having this discussion with anyone who (a) blathered on ad nauseum about the topic. (See, "Olt, Mike, not given an opportunity") or (b) responded directly to what I posted (which you did).

    Have a nice day.

    #baseballtalk

    Tito 5 hours 48 min ago view
  • what would you do without me? aside from having your posting content here cut by 75%+?

    i'm gonna make you my main squeeze one day, bro. save the date.

    crunch 5 hours 52 min ago view
  • In this instance, yes, I care more about the result of this big thing that isn't really a big thing.

    #crunchsplaining

    #willlistentojeffsullivanmorethanyou

    #blessyourheart

    #hitler

    #tcrmartyr

    #billyhamiltonwar

    #baseballtalk

    Tito 5 hours 52 min ago view
  • Two things:

    Fangraphs WAR #s include baserunning and Hamilton is elite at that. He leads in SBs with the 54 and and has an 87% rate which is really good. I'm sure once he gets on base he's able to take the extra base quite often too. Both those things will up his overall WAR value.

    The differences between BR and FG WAR is pretty well documented online and thus If there are discrepancies it's fairly easy to figure out why. It's fairly well accepted that BR WAR is fine as a snapshot but FG is better at predicting future value.

    johann 5 hours 56 min ago view
  • i have no doubt at all you quit reading at that point. you're very enamored with outcomes without caring what it takes to get there.

    the fact it's exploitable, especially without someone to cover the running game for him, as well it's evolution in how people are testing possible exploits is interesting to some people...to me...i'm some people...hurrah.

    some people want to check the boxscore to see who won, some want to know how it went down.

    crunch 6 hours 9 min ago view
  • I read it as him saying it's not really that much of a concern and that the one time it really cost Lester, vs. K.C., was an anomaly.

    #baseballtalk

    Tito 6 hours 14 min ago view
  • if jeff says it, it's cool...when i say it, it's straight from the mouth of hitler.

    aside from the lack of jeff touching on the insane leads runners take and lester's inability to throw if he's fielding, this is a lot of what i've said about the issue.

    exploitable, needs his own personal catcher to control his shortcomings, relies on his ability to get outs along with his personal catcher keeping runners in check before things become further exploited...

    crunch 6 hours 17 min ago view