Match Game

I thinks it's important that we come up with the perfect term to describe the annihilation of the Brew Bitches from the North. So please fill-in with the most appropriate verb. All submissions are welcome.

The Cubs (blanked) the Brewers.

a few to start you off: dominated, beat-up, skull-fucked, etc... 

If you need to add a metaphor or point of reference to the end of the sentence, that is acceptable as well.

Tags: 
Cubs Fun
Series recap
Submitted by Rob G. on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:11pm
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Comments

Submitted by navigator
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:53pm

gyro-screwed and what-the-fuckulated

Game Thread Pic over at the Brew Crew Ball Blog
http://assets.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/11085/2...

Submitted by 10man
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:24pm

The Cubs (LeeEliad) the Brewers. Yeah, Baby!

Submitted by CA-Phil
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:32pm

Divisionated

Submitted by blockhead25
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:41pm

Can't add much creative...
Cubs ManRammed the Brewers

But I have been laughing for 30 minutes over this onion article...especially the pictures. I'm sure it's old news, but holy crap is that good stuff.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/c_c_sabathia_...

Submitted by Mister Whipple
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:46pm

That is the best Onion article ever.

Submitted by The Joe
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:51pm

Gotta disagree:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28812

Submitted by Mister Whipple
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:55pm

Sorry. Not as funny. Those pictures of Fielder as the burger and Sabathia as the hotdog are still making me laugh.

That's not to say I don't like your article. It's great and clever but it's not in the same league as Blockhead's.

Submitted by The Joe
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:59pm

That's ok. I didn't write it. I always just find their religious stuff funnier than the sports.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:04pm

my favorite:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47426

Submitted by The Real Neal
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:01pm

I've always been partial to this one:

http://origin.theonion.com/content/node/27656

Submitted by The Joe
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:45pm

The Cubs (played good baseball against) the Brewers.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:50pm

oh no you didn't...

Submitted by The Joe
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:52pm

I know. I'm naughty.

Submitted by Mister Whipple
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 5:51pm

The Cubs (pwned) the Brewers.

Submitted by big_lowitzki
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:23pm

Ummm...

I think you had a typo. Did you mean "owned?"

:)

Submitted by Hawkeye
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:14pm

The Cubs BeaArthured the Brewers.

Submitted by Jeff_Pico
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:20pm

The Cubs Bukkaked the Brewers

Submitted by carlosrubi
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:23pm

The Cubs [censored] the Brewers.

Oh MVN -- I don't miss you at all.

Submitted by Wes
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:31pm

Gene, I'm going with "had anal sex with from the top position."

If nothing else, I'm certain I at least matched Charles Nelson Riley.

Submitted by Chad
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:32pm

Silly me, i would have been happy with a split!

Submitted by T-Dubs
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:36pm

The Cubs Boguslawed the Brewers like a toothless Sox fan.

Submitted by Hobart Mike
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:44pm

"bitch-slapped"

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:48pm

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Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:49pm

cock fucked

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:56pm

The Cubs "lillyzdempsterhardened" the Brewers.

Sounds Norwegian or Germanic... say it fast.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 6:59pm

but the Nats lineup for tonight does not have one hitter with an OPS over .800 or a single hitter with an OBP over .340.

Submitted by Mister Whipple
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:05pm

The Cubs burninated the Brewers!!

Submitted by Mister Whipple
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:20pm

HARDEN was a man
I mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon

But he was still HARDEN!
HARDEN!

Burninating the countryside,
Burninating the Brewers
Burninating all the peoples
And their thatched-roof COTTAGES!

THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:24pm

I said CONSUMMATE K's! CONSUMMATE!

Submitted by johann
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:14pm

The Cubs [SOTOmized] the Brewers.

Submitted by Cubster
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:21pm

The Cubs read them the riot act

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:22pm

"We don't like the fact that we allowed their fans to come into our park and have a four-day party," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. "But that's our fault."

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/gameday_recap.jsp?ymd=2008...

Submitted by Mike Wellman
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:29pm

the Cubs braunschweigered the Brewers...

Submitted by nohit
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 1:18am

The Cubs "Randall Simon-ed" the Brewers.

Submitted by The Real Neal
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:54am

This was my joke too, but I was going with 'Sausage Slapped' and post the link.

Submitted by Chifan
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:38pm

The Cubs outclassed the Brewers. They could have easily won the first 2 games if it wasnt for some bad defensive plays. Milwaukee showed in this series that they have not grown as baseball team from last year.

Submitted by Mike Wellman
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 7:46pm

the Cubs blunt force trauma-ed the Brewers [who by the way look like crap as a group in uniform; between them Sheets, Hardy, Hart, Fatboy, et. al look like a bad pajama party]...

Submitted by Chad
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:19pm

I think the Cubs , made 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.

Submitted by Brick
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:28pm

I am horrified to say this, but I think Chad wins.

Submitted by Chad
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:38pm

and boom goes the dynamite!

Submitted by ultrapeanut
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:27pm

The bomb diggity, yo.

Submitted by Dr. aaron b
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:34pm

The cubs "Barretted" the Brew crew

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:43pm

Randall Simon'ed gets my vote, but Chad and Whipple are up there as well. Lee Elia'd isn't bad either.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 8:50pm

8-4 in the bottom of the 8th. Could be 5 games up with our favorite whipping boys coming to town minus Nady and Bay.

Submitted by John Beasley
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:07pm

Five games up! WOO! Quite the change from five days ago. =)

Submitted by 433
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:28pm

The Cubs "oops-maybe-we-shouldn't-have-traded-all-of-our-best-prospects-for-three-months-of-CC-ed" the Brewers

Submitted by blockhead25
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:40pm

took the Cubs about 10 games to lose their 6 game lead over the Brewers, and now got 5 back in a period of 5 games. Point being, there's a lot of baseball left to be played, and things change quickly.

Cubs schedule is killer in September, so we need to use this long homestand to build a cushion and fight from there.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:44pm

not like there's anything like an easy series in baseball, but if you assume the Cubs have advantage in all their home series with they way they've played at Wrigley, the only "difficult" series they have in August is three games @ Florida.

They're only other road games in August are vs Pitt and Atlanta. 

 

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:41pm

Cubs magic number is 49...

too soon?

Submitted by blockhead25
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:47pm

yes....
when it gets under 20, that's when it gets real fun.

Submitted by blockhead25
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:44pm

ha...from the cbssportsline blog of the twins-Sox game.

"Span gets hit on the knee but the umpire says he was bunting. Gardenhire argues the call and gets thrown out of the game. The fans start throwing hats onto the field and Ozzie Guillen pulls his team off the field. And now he's getting into an arguement with a fan! This is one of the stranger delays I've ever seen"

Submitted by nohit
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:58pm

Sox fan bro-in-law of mine just called, says it was AJ who made that play a reality by keeping his head in the game and asking the ump, "was he bunting???"

I hate AJ, but mostly because he's good.

Submitted by Bleeding Blue
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 10:30am

And I hate the quality of MLB umpires, who keep believing his acting rather than their own eyes.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

Submitted by big_lowitzki
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 10:35am

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

Or maybe the team just started hitting bad pitching, and it had nothing to do with with Gardy, fans, AJ, or Ozzie.

Submitted by Wes
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:02am

Or maybe they didn't. They scored 7 of their runs against a guys with a 3.31, a 2.53 and a 3.23.

Not sure bad pitching is completely accurate.

Submitted by big_lowitzki
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:14am

I didn't mean that they were bad pitcher... I just meant that the Twins hitters may have just started hitting better than the Sox were pitching.

Submitted by Bleeding Blue
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:05pm

Maybe it didn't have anything to do with it. But the point of AJ's acting was to get a called strike instead of a HBP.

He got that but also got a very long delay in the game. The pitcher wound up throwing 3 straight balls, resulting in a walk that started a 4 run rally.

You'll never be able to prove either way exactly what effect the delay had on the game. Maybe it was all just a coincidence that the White Sox pitchers lost control after a long delay and maybe its just a coincidence that the Twins started to hit after being given a very bad call as an event to rally around, but I wouldn't dismiss an event like a long delay simply because it doesn't show up in the box score.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:50pm

March/April: 17-10
May: 18-11
June: 15-12
July: 15-11

65-44 with a .596 winning percentage, which would be good for 96 wins. Have now played 3 more road games than home games.

19 @ home...9 on the road in August.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 9:52pm

on their Yahoo team page it says Lou would like to get Samardzija in back-to-back games this weekend. Says he put him in a 7-0 game to give him late-inning work on the road.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/teams/chc

Submitted by billybucks
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:09pm

The Cubs Kermit-Washington-Rudy-Tomjanoviched the Brewers.

They never saw it coming.

Submitted by Jace
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:11pm

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39027
This is the best Onion article EVER! Sorry, a little late in the thread... This should be right up your alley, The Joe!

Submitted by billybucks
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:14pm

Pie tripled and scored in the first, then was taken out.

Any info?

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:18pm

i believe it was a injured hand/wrist...

Submitted by George Altman
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:14pm

I was there today, and I would swear out of 45,346 in attendance at least half were Cubs fans. It was unbelievable. Even the tail-gaters in the parking lots were 50/50 Cubs/Brewers fans. It was like the stadium and the Brewers were our bitches.

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 10:29pm

5 days ago CHC/MIL were tied for 1st and STL was 3 games trailing the leaders.

now CHC has a 5 game lead over STL/MIL who are tied for 2nd.

dizamn.

Submitted by Rob G.
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 11:04pm

LoDuca and Felipe Lopez...of course, if you're not good enough to crack their lineup, you're probably not much use to anyone.

BP is still expecting Felipe Lopez to repeat his 2005 season at anytime. :)

Submitted by Hawkeye
on Thu, 07/31/2008 - 11:50pm

My favorite Onion moment, and yes this is horribly un-p.c. It was one of their headlines without articles, "Special Olymipcs T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game."

Yes. I laughed, and I felt bad about it. I still laugh... every... single... time.

Submitted by Hawkeye
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:14am

Quit stat observation:

I think it was Rob G. who noticed earlier this year that the Cubs had a great record in games decided by 3 runs or more. This was considered important because losing a one-run game could be a crapshot, but losing a 3-run game means that you were well and truly submissive.

The Cubs are leading all of baseball with a run differential of +130.
That means that when we win, be bust out the Obliviaxe.
The next closest team is the Red Sox with a +82. They have 48 more runs than the Red Sox.

The Cubs are #2 in all of baseball with 580 runs scored (Rangers with 610).

Oh so pretty...

Submitted by Rob G.
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:19am

don't think it was me, but Cubs are 15-17 in one-run games.

20-10 in "blowouts" (5 runs or more).

not sure about 3 runs or more or where to find that... 

Submitted by Jackstraw
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 1:44am

New SAT question:

Cubs:Brewers

correct answer

Hammer:Nail

Submitted by Wes
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:04am

Cubs:Brewers :: Brett Meyers:Wife

Submitted by Doug Dascenzo
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:25am

Cubs:Brewers :: Prince:Party Try of Hummus & Vegetables

Submitted by Pell Mell
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 7:09am

Shakespeare: The Cubs unseamed the Brewers from the nave to th' chops.

Cartoon character w/Bronx accent: The Cubs moidalized the Brewers.

Psychiatrist: The Cubs inflicted a closed-head injury on the Brewers, who report neurologic sequelae to include dizziness, loss of orientation, aggressive behavior, and feelings of depression and anxiety.

Reality: The Cubs completely unnerved, and exposed, the Brewers.

Submitted by John Beasley
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 7:52am

My favorite Onion-baseball story, courtesy of (one of) my favorite whipping boy(s):

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/pirate...

Submitted by Jackstraw
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 8:03am

To provide a Match Game answer:

The Cubs Farnsworthed the Brewers.

To provide another answer to my SAT question above

Cubs:Brewers
Moises Alou:Hands

Submitted by demale
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 8:45am

The Cubs [You know that disgusting goo which has to be cleaned out of the brewery vats after fermentation is done and the beer is gone? Yeah that. The Cubs de-goo-ed] the Brewers.

More of a concept than a phrase, really

Submitted by nohit
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 9:59am

Griff Sr. talking about Junior: "People have no idea what he went through in his career," Griffey said. "The first time he broke his hand in Seattle, it was bad, man. I thought he might miss two years. They put a plate in his hand and he was back in six weeks. Then a screw came loose in the plate and he screwed it back in himself."

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/bas...

Submitted by Brick
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 10:07am

My favorite Onion baseball story:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51526

Submitted by nohit
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 10:40am

Classic. I really wanted to stop reading it, but I couldn't.

Submitted by Charlie
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:14am

That was pretty classic.

Submitted by The E-Man
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 10:41am

Reading many of the above is such a blast.

S.A.T.?! LOL!

Shakespeare?!

SIMON-ED?!! HAHA!!

Where else would you see this shit re Cubs baseball, I ask??

One of the many reasons why I love TCR!

Submitted by Cubster
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:22am

Dotel gave up the 7th inning back to backs for DLee/Aram...Kubel was just studying that video when Ozzie pulled his players off the field.

http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/news/wrap.jsp?ymd=2008...

Submitted by The E-Man
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:53am

Lineup:

Just a couple names from ESPN 1K

Dome 2nd
Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th
Cedeno, SS, 8th

Submitted by big_lowitzki
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:54am

Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th

I thought it was Little Babe Ruth.

Submitted by The E-Man
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 11:53am

Oh - Jimmy Hollywood, 5th

Submitted by Chifan
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:00pm

LF Soriano
RF Fukudome
1B Lee
3B Ramirez
CF Edmonds
C Soto
2B Fontenot
SS Cedeno
P Marquis

They didnt mention the Pirates lineup but that should be interesting if Laroache and Moss had logistics issue with that trade going down suddenly so its not like they had a heads up to get ready to get to Chicago.

(EDIT): Laroache and Moss are in the lineup.

2B Rivas
1B Douggy M.
CF McLouth
C Doumit
3B Laroache
RF Moss
LF Michaels
SS Wilson
P Karstens

Submitted by nohit
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:03pm

ENOBAY. Me likee.

Submitted by Chad
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 12:29pm

I actually really like this lineup

R
L
R
R
L
R
L
R
L

Submitted by Tito
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 3:10pm

With all due respect, this is the greatest Onion article:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870

Submitted by The Real Neal
on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 3:36pm

I am just glad crunch made it.

Seriously though, Yo La Tengo is for the the 'What fucking Ian?'s of the world, not the Rob Gordons.

Submitted by dvdd127
on Sat, 08/09/2008 - 7:15pm

The Cubs did not only Skull-fuck the Brewers with that sweep two weeks ago!!! they skull fucked the Cardinals too!!!

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