How Fast is Reed Johnson?
When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.
I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.
One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"
I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.
In college I decided to grow sideburns.
Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.
Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.
And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.
Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.
I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.
Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.
But you never know - I may still be maturing.
Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.
Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.
He did okay, really.
Buncha walks, but okay.
It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.
They have no hair.
And here come the Cardinals...
A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.
I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.
So...not so good.
I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.
Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.
You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.
And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.
And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.
Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.
Didn't see the game, but it sounded like the Cubs gave away 2 runs with poor fielding. Bummer.
Well, it's been a fun diet of Reds, Brewers and Braves, but now the Cubs have to play real teams in May (Pirates, Nationals, SF, Cards and Dodgers) -- hope we are all still smiling when we wake up on Memorial Day.
He does seem out of synch. His body seems to start forward, then his arms sort of try to catch up -- if that's his normal swing, he will never hit for power. It's an all-arms slasher swing, but the timing seems off.
He is currently slugging .256 -- I realize the weather has been bad, but that's epically bad. Currently 92nd out of 94 qualified NL batters. Yikes.
Weird home stand -- 3-1, with 2 rainouts, vs. two teams that will lose 100 games. Feels oddly disappointing.
Miserable baseball weather all week -- hopefully better weather will get the bats going. Not just walking, but actually hitting.
That strike call on LaSterlla was terrible
I was hearing some talk that John Mallee is trying to change Heyward's swing. Wonder if that is lending itself to the slow start.
at least it wasn't a "nobody showed up" stomping.
anytime you wanna jumpstart your season would be nice, heyward.
Now looming VERY large. Game tied.
That Braves TOOTBLAN trying to stretch a double into a triple is looming very large.
Phil, do you know if Victorino has an opt out date approaching? Thanks.
Maybe he can even fall asleep/passout at a red light. #cardinalway
hopefully he has enough time to pound 6-10 beers before the drive back home.
: / )
Yeah, there's that....
CTSteve -- have they decided to skip tomorrow's game...? (I keed)
Not a bad thing -- Bryant and Miggy are hurt, and Ross could use a day off.