How Fast is Reed Johnson?

 

When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.

I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.

One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"

I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.

In college I decided to grow sideburns.

Why not?

Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.

Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.

And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.

Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.

I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.

Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.

But you never know - I may still be maturing.

Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.

Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.

He did okay, really.

Buncha walks, but okay.

It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.

They have no hair.

And here come the Cardinals...

A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.

I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.

So...not so good.

I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.

Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.

You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.

And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.

And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.


 Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
http://www.cubby-blue.com

This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.

Comments

Fox on radio in Chicago
-Catching "like riding a bike" he'll be ready

-Likes to play positions "where action is" felt like "being out on an island" in outfield.

http://community.post-gazette.com/blogs/pbc/archiv...

Giants and Rockies are mentioned...

Would Fonty and an arm get it done?

does this change your mind?

If Sanchez reaches 600 plate appearances, an $8 million option for 2010 will trigger.

he's on pace for 620 AB's, so PA's shouldn't be an issue barring another injury. He's been out for about a week now with a back injury.

Fonte doesn't get you much.

Freddie Sanchez... wouldn't that be great?

http://twitter.com/thekapman

submit one to Kaplan via Twitter, 2 best get a Lou Malnatti gift card

he claimed sometime yesterday that he is hearing the deal with the Ricketts will be announced sometime next week.

just asked:

"Why do you waste a bench player by sending up Reed for a PH sac bunt? With a short bench, couldn't a pitch have done that?"

I'm sure he'll ask that one.

why would you ask Hendry or Riot that question?

misread it.

thought it was Lou and Riot.

oh well.

Awww. Alfonso is upset about not being in the line up yesterday. Try hitting over .200 for a month and maybe they'll pencil you more often, buddy.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs...

after a brutal June (.507 OPS)...1.189 so far in July.

1.052 (April), .830 (May), .507 (June), 1.189 in July

already has as many XBH's in July as he did in May, and one more than he did in June.

Fukudome looks good again, and comfortable hitting with two strikes.

http://blogs.dailyherald.com/node/2267

no roster move for Soto likely, Hart will be optioned today so he can come back July 19th or 20th to start against Nats or Phils, Miles thinks Jeff Stevens may get the call-up (seems like Ascanio would make more sense, but might not be 10 days yet). Waddell will be reinstated from DL and immediately optioned to Iowa as well.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2009/07/trade-candid...

decent run-down, can't see any fit for the Cubs though...

my bad, CuBzwin has it figured out...

The Cubs could deal for any left-fielder and move soriano to second. So don't write them off for getting an OF.


Posted by:
CuBzwin |
July 09, 2009 at 01:30 PM

I'm sick of hearing about Soriano going to second.

Soriano at second makes Soriano in left look like Willie Mays in his prime.

@cst_cubs (Whittenmeyer) also saying Stevens will take Hart's spot on the roster tomorrow.

http://muskat.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/07/78_hit_...

granted, Von Joshua basically wrote the article with his quotes, but real good detail on what problems he's seeing.

http://www.rulesofbaseball.com/quiz1.html

got 4 right, although some are worded very poorly imo...

6, but it gave me a headache.

I got four, also, but I pretty much had to guess on all of them except the question about the first baseman who trapped the ball. That was the only one I knew for sure.

Really interesting quiz.

I got 4, but I agree that some were poorly worded. Several times I guessed the "could also be correct" answer. There were a couple that I answered that would have been right based on the High School rule book but that are apparently different from the professional rules.

I got 5 right, but some were very confusing to figure out what the hell they were describing. I used to love the Rules question in Baseball Digest, because it was so off the wall...

I would go farther than say 'poorly worded' and just call them incorrect. The two bunt ones (4 and 8?). Odds are that the runner on 2nd will have reached third by the time the ball is declared dead. On 8 unless the R3 crosses home before contact is made, he would have to re-touch third and then go back to home before they threw to 1st for the DP on R1.

in top of the 8th...

1st/3rd 0 outs and Pujols due up...

he doubles to score in the go-ahead run

Ludwick follows up w/ a 3-run HR

5-1, think the gadget was just predicting the future.

Recent comments

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  • AZ PHIL: With starters the likes of Edwin Jackson, even Chris Rusin or Michael Bowden could look good on their staff. At best, he is a #5-6. But as always, LH are at a premium.

    The E-Man 41 min 55 sec ago view
  • Sure we would all want consistency. He is not even 24, has played 5 (!) positions this year. Can you imagine what is in his head? He was only a part-time player at 2 spots last year. And THEN think about hitting?? Cut him some slack...You sure are picky lately. First wishing #6 NL RBI guy Russell have a better average, and now an "unncessarily fancy pick". Geez tough crowd!

    The E-Man 45 min 51 sec ago view
  • it's going to be hard to take down scherzer.

    kershaw is supposedly coming back soon, though he'll probably need a good amount of deep innings to match up with scherzer...probably too late at this point. tanner roark, bumgarner, and hendricks are probably going to steal some votes along with kershaw.

    crunch 1 hour 14 min ago view
  • I absolutely love Javy's game, and I love the way Maddon changed the perception of him as a ballplayer, but I really wish he would just make the routine plays routinely. On the ground ball in the 9th, he made an unnecessarily fancy pick. He made the play, but tried the same thing last night and made an error.

    billybucks 1 hour 36 min ago view
  • How many wins does Kyle need for serious Cy Young consideration? Would 17 be enough if he leads the league in ERA? My goodness, what a season -- makes a Dartmouth alum proud.

    billybucks 1 hour 38 min ago view
  • jacos 1 hour 41 min ago view
  • hendricks WHIP drops to 0.98 over 159 innings after throwing 7ip 3h 1bb 4k, 0r/er

    ERA down to 2.09 on the season.

    crazy good.

    crunch 2 hours 3 min ago view
  • I am pretty well fed up with the majority of home plate umps. Just terrible inconsistencies.

    The E-Man 2 hours 6 min ago view
  • Oh shit forgot about that
    Shark and Sczur right?

    jacos 2 hours 21 min ago view
  • Yes, football player?- check.

    The E-Man 2 hours 28 min ago view
  • jacos 2 hours 41 min ago view
  • If it was 2006 Hendry would be there w a Bible and a contract
    https://mobile.twitter.com/Ken_Rosenthal/status/77...

    jacos 5 hours 14 min ago view
  • he subscribes to my twitter, he's beyond TCR. #yolo #swag

    crunch 5 hours 52 min ago view
  • Whoops. Maddon must have been reading TCR (for his daily crunch) and got confused.

    CTSteve 5 hours 54 min ago view
  • kuhl is a righty, not a lefty.

    i think maddon might think kuhl is a lefty, too. i wonder what the reasoning is for baez leading off vs a rightie.

    crunch 6 hours 35 min ago view
  • "trout's one of the best, and at this point should probably win over donaldson (and should have more MVPs in the past, too), but the defensive aspect of valuing WAR still needs more tweaking...imo."

    that's from my 1st post. there's no suck involved in that. maybe with a few less posts about bullshit that point would have jumped out more.

    crunch 7 hours 22 min ago view