How Fast is Reed Johnson?
When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.
I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.
One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"
I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.
In college I decided to grow sideburns.
Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.
Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.
And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.
Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.
I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.
Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.
But you never know - I may still be maturing.
Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.
Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.
He did okay, really.
Buncha walks, but okay.
It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.
They have no hair.
And here come the Cardinals...
A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.
I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.
So...not so good.
I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.
Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.
You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.
And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.
And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.
Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.
Carrie Muskat [email protected]
Shane Victorino added to Iowa #Cubs roster today
The awesome quote was something like "Just gotta play a little country hardball..."
It was awesome. I envisioned him in snake-skin boots, Stetson, and a lump of dip in his lip with his Texas gun strapped to his hip.
Listening to an interview with Lackey on WSCR - he sounds a bit like a gruff Fozzie Bear
FWIW -- Lackey was the only RH batter to get a hit off of Scherzer. KB and Baez were 0-for-6 with 6Ks. Gotta love lefty/righty balance, and switch-hitters.
Somebody needs to explain to Richard the concept of run differential. Dammit, this was a tough one to absorb.
In the same vein, I hope we can now dispense with "LaStella sucks as a starter".
They just wanted to get Rondon a save is why they gave up those runs. Madden is a genius that way....
15 games over .500...not a bad place to be on may 6th.
Brian Schlitter moments aside - what a sweet win!
this ump...at least he seems consistently shitty.
c.richard with another outing making him look expendable...
hey may be a righty, but f.pena put in another strong night last night...2ip 0h 1bb 3k
last thing the club seems to need is another reliever, though. the cubs starters keep putting lack-of-work pressure on the pen more than anything so far.
Good thing Bryant can play multiple positions. If he was only a 3B he'd be frustrated sitting.
I think it might have been just the push he needed.
I believe +411 by the '39 Yankees is the all-time record.
From now on maybe there's no point keeping score of the game, just track the run differential.