How Fast is Reed Johnson?
When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.
I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.
One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"
I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.
In college I decided to grow sideburns.
Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.
Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.
And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.
Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.
I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.
Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.
But you never know - I may still be maturing.
Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.
Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.
He did okay, really.
Buncha walks, but okay.
It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.
They have no hair.
And here come the Cardinals...
A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.
I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.
So...not so good.
I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.
Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.
You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.
And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.
And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.
Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.
Small man gonna small.
Imagine if Schwarber was healthy.
J.Zimmermann with a 695 at the moment, Arrieta is second at 495. Ross apparently hasn't qualified yet with just 4 starts and 22 IP fwiw.
Cubs Foe Tomorrow -
The Cubs are facing young Joe Ross tomorrow night for the Nats.
He has an ERA+ of 542. NOT a typo.
I don't think I have seen that recently...
as if you hadn't noticed, but the Cubs are dominating baseball at the moment at a level that has not been seen too often in baseball history.
if only he could throw a ball to first base, he might have a negative ERA and the Cubs would be undefeated.
Thanks for the extensive scouting report.
How about that Lester. What a beast. A nifty 1.58 ERA/227 ERA+
Sean Rodriguez still a douche
Strop quick pitches him and so he jaws with Strop and Cubs dugout.
Get use to it Pauly Shore, Buccos are done
was the last out, bottom 6th more about Adam Warren being good or about the Pirates struggling this series?
and on cue, Len and JD discuss:
JD: It appears that Adam Warren is becoming Joe Maddon's favorite club.
Len: You mean favorite Cub?
JD: No like a favorite golf club.
Len: Like Billie Baroo (then does Ted Knight/Judge Smails impersonation from Caddyshack)
Rizzo on fire
By the way in relation to the zany suits Madden was saying his other reason for forcing players to wear them in public is to cause some awkwardness and embarrassment in the players that they'd have to overcome. He said he feels this ability might help players when they screw up in the game recover more quickly. Not sure if it will but he definitely thinks about the things he does.
Brutal. Pirates load the bases with 0 outs and fail to push any runners across. After two tough games, that really has to suck the wind out of them. Man...
Bases loaded no outs
Lester pitches out of it