How Fast is Reed Johnson?
When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.
I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.
One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"
I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.
In college I decided to grow sideburns.
Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.
Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.
And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.
Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.
I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.
Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.
But you never know - I may still be maturing.
Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.
Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.
He did okay, really.
Buncha walks, but okay.
It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.
They have no hair.
And here come the Cardinals...
A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.
I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.
So...not so good.
I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.
Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.
You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.
And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.
And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.
Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.
SF loses their 7th in a row (ow).
WAS is now #1 on the heels of the cubs at 7.5 games back.
Even when logically I know I should root for the Cardinals, I cannot. I think it's worse than the Packers thing. I think it's literally the worst thing.
Kinda weird stat -- the NL has 5 teams that are at least 20 games under -- it was 6 before the Brewers swept the Pirates -- and there are none in the AL. Oakland has the worst record in the AL at 18 under. Hunh.
Jon Lester scored his first career run today. And his 2nd. Now I see why hit bats 8th.
Every Cub starter has scored at least one run so far today, Russell leading the way with 3
Anybody with an over/under on the Cubs getting to 30 runs today?
JD pointing to Javy's minimal leg kick on that blast.
Send bullpen home go get your complete game Lester
Javy with 3 hits, including a home run, and a walk.
Cubs with lowest batting average in MLB but highest walk total in NL, as Rizzo clubs a grand slam
He drew a bases loaded walk early in the game
i hope Baez draws a walk today!
I hope Baez will draw a walk today.
Have a day!!
/another diaper dandy
one of the slowest men in the game is taking a 20+ft lead off 2nd.
i think the "he's working on throwing over" knockdown scare has worn off in the 4th inning.
it keeps working, though. this is at least the 3rd time someone from the club has announced "he's working on throwing over" and the opposing team being cautious the next game. they should do this before every start.
Lester does not get the Michael Jordan treatement from umpires. He really has to fight for his strikes sometimes.