NEVER go to the grocery 3 hours before the Superbowl.
(Click on image for full size)
Man, why me?
There were a MILLION idiots at the Jewel buying chips and salsa and beer for the Superbowl, and they were all in line in front of me. Why? Well apparently I was one of those idiots too.
I enjoy the diverse population around my hood. My neighbors are from all over the world and white collar and blue collar and politicians and cops and cleaning ladies and cab drivers and construction guys, among other things.
But one thing I HATE is when someone decides that the fastest way for them to get up to the cash register at the grocery store is to pretend they don't understand that there's a line a mile long behind me, the next guy in line.
And so it was with this Old Hag who cut in front of me.
I explained the fact that I'd been waiting for EVER to buy my chips and salsa and beer, but she just turned around like I said nothing.
Maybe she had a problem hearing or something - she was pretty old.
You know that area in front of the cash registers where usually the lines go back maybe a cart or two? And then there's a space between the end of the line and where the aisle starts - that space just big enough for someone with a cart to go by? Lets call that the Common Decency Area.
Well, the lines here were WAAY past that Common Decency Area - each line went halfway up each aisle. But out of Common Decency, you leave the Common Decency Area open for the person still shopping. It was about a 4 foot gap between me in the aisle and the person at the checkout (see schematic below).
(Click on image for full size)
In hindsight, given the extra grocery store pressure from the Bowl, I should have been an asshole and taken over the Common Decency Area. Because had I blocked that area off, maybe the Old Hag wouldn't have thought she could just cut in.
But I didn't.
And when the Old Hag cut in front of me, I totally caved.
I stated my case to her and got no response. I looked for help from my spineless fellow line-waiters and got nothin'. They instead pretended it wasn't happening.
So I caved.
But in my head? Man did I ever give it to her.
And one thing for sure, I AM NEVER going to the grocery a couple hours before the Bowl.
Only an idiot would do that.
The Bowl, by the way, was pretty entertaining.
New Orleans' head coach Sean Payton - he sure waited to get on that big stage before pulling out his bag of tricks.
And my chips and salsa were delicious, by the way.
Addison Russell is the youngster with the hustle--
you couldn't make his game tighter if you cinched it in a bustle.
For the pinch you got La Stella and little Matty Szczur,
two real "gritty" fellas. And then there's the geezer,
grandpa Rossy, for when you need a team leader
or just a catch and throw guy, to keep the runners at first,
or to nab them on a pick off; he's got 'em mic'd in the shitter,
yeah, caught with their pants down
[MIKE D and MCA]: Like my boy ROBERT DURST!
E-man, you should stay away from the NY Times sports page today, based on your last comment
Save this post for late September please. Let us not taunt the Gods of "Cubbery" please.
They are waiting for us, and are apt to pounce at the slightest hint of positive projection.
Awesomeness - bravo!
Thanks. If there's anyone who knows anything about insightful comments, it's definitely you.
yeah, it's hard being me. i don't know why anyone would want to do it, but someone's gotta do it.
thanks for the insightful additions here and below you've made in this thread to The Crunch Reporter.
clap clap clap clap
I'm the man with the beard, names Arietta
Pitches hitting harder than a Beretta
I'm the modern day Bob Gibson, make hitters see crimson
So all you listen, I'm on a mission to get us in the position
To bring to Chicago something rarer than a black truffle
When me and my crew do the World Series Shuffle
It will be a tough night for hitters -- temps probably in the high 40s at Wrigley, with a breeze blowing in. Probably a good time to have Kyle going.
Use the edit button -- that last line should read "World Series Shuffle".
World Series Shuffle?
This team even has rap prospects!
If you look at the FIP and xFIP numbers, the Hendricks vs. Ross matchup doesn't look so bad for the Cubs.