Alfonso Soriano and the Kaplan Conspiracy

LIfe is better when the Cubs win, but failure has a way of stoking a Cub fan's creativity, doesn't it? This dramatic reinterpretation of a call into David Kaplan's post-game "Tenth Inning" show is the work of WGN listener Edwardo, who was clearly inspired by Comedy Central's "Crank Yankers."


Wow. Kaplan isn't taking the canceling of Sports Central well.

No biggie. Kap wasn't very enjoyable after Tom Waddle left the show anyway. I do give him credit for airing a lot of Baseball Prospectus guys, though.

I also give him credit for having a panel of Cub bloggers on with him this past spring on Sports Central, including Andy from, who has ripped on Kaplan often, enthusiastically, and to great comic effect.

To be honest, I can't think of another Chicago sports radio guy I would rather listen to than Kaplan. Except maybe Les Grobstein, and Les is a different kind of sports radio guy. In fact, I think he is another species altogether.

"To be honest, I can't think of another Chicago sports radio guy I would rather listen to than Kaplan."

Tall midgets are still rather short.

He should have gotten them on with Ruben Amaro. The Phillies just made a guy who has ranked 27th and 49th among offensive players over the last two years the NL's highest paid player. Chase Utley must be salivating.

Moly Holy, that's a big contract to a big man. What will Prince Fielder get in free agency now?

A lot of green, that's for sure.

Vegan joke!!

Now there's something I never thought I would see: The word "inspired" in the same sentence as Comedy Central's Crank Yankers.

Long hair on Kaplan. :) haha

ss theriot, 2b baker, 1b lee, cf byrd, 3b ramirez, lf soriano, c soto, rf colvin, p silva

lefty going tonight in Lannan...

Maybe they're just trying to find playing time for Colvin? It doesn't seem like the best way to do it, but the Cubs have a surprising surplus of everyday outfielders right now.

Seeing if he can hit lefties I guess.

Pretty small sample size.

I just read somewhere that Lannan is AWFUL against lefties. Lefties are hitting over 500 against him, and righties are at about 250...
I wish I remembered where I read that... Obviously Lou didn't read it...
P.S. Here it is...

well if Lou read that, he'd play Fukudome, Colvin and Fontenot then today...

Wow. Just looked up his career splits:
in 1451 PAs by RHB: .257/.328/.384
in 463 PAs by LHB: .291/.357/.501

But the BABIPs are very different, .267 by RHB and .320 by LHB. How does that work when looking at pitchers? And the BB:K totals are more what you'd expect, 132:146 by RHB and 35:79 by LHBs, obviously LHB striking out much more frequently given the less than 1/3 as many PAs.

[Edit: He's really been rocked by lefties so far this year. Only 26 PAs, but .542/.538/.792 line for a 1.330 OPS. He's had reverse splits every year so far, which would seem to indicate the BABIP is the result of his pitching and not the result of luck.]

I was going to check Fangraphs for pitch types, then realize those are rarely accurate.

I believe Lannan's best pitch is his change-up, that tends to be down and in on a lefty in their happy zone, hence the troubles (possibly or it's just bad luck).

See how many breaking balls he throws Colvin I guess...

1. Nyjer Morgan, CF
2. Adam Kennedy, 3B
3. Cristian Guzman, 2B
4. Adam Dunn, 1B
5. Josh Willingham, LF
6. Ivan Rodriguez, C
7. Ian Desmond, SS
8. Willy Taveras, RF
9. John Lannan, P

Guzman batting 3rd, commence laughter

Z says he was assured stay in pen is temporary until a trade can be made...

Z for Vernon Wells?


I wonder if Ryan Howard's new contract means that Hendry will let D Lee go after next year and try to swing a trade for Ryan Howard. I'm trying to think of an equally bad contract the Cubs have (scratches head).

you realize that scenario makes no sense. If the Phils wanted to move Howard, you don't sign him to an untradeable contract.

Oh, I know it doesn't make sense.

Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have Vernon Wells or Soriano under contract than Ryan Howard for 25 per year.

Probably at least a 10 million per year overpay.

If Lackey misses any significant time due to surgery on a pre-existing elbow injury during the first five years of the contract, the Red Sox gain a club option for the 2015 season in which Lackey would have to pitch for the major league minimum salary.

among others...

Is it me or is Big Z showing signs of serenity now and insanity later?

Is it me or is Big Z showing signs of serenity now and insanity later?

He pitched well tonight - I am sure it's not really, but it seems like the first 8th inning of the year that we didn't give up a run.

Just 2.5 back now with 142 to play!

Hoochie mamma!

~ata boy, Lloyd!~

Recent comments

The first 600 characters of the last 16 comments, click "View" to see rest of comment.
  • Oh what do you know, Cubster? Go back to your day job.

    --- Ducks, puts on Cardinals cap, runs.

  • Russell had a severe hamstring last year while with the A's system, forcing him to miss the first half of 2014. I've even wondered if his injury last year was a component of Billy Beane putting him on the trade market. He was quoted saying that last year's injury was a 10 out of 10 when it happened. Last night he said his hamstring soreness was a 1/1.5 out of 10. Hamstring injuries are tricky though, so I'd expect the medical team to be overly cautious here.

  • ...I want to reinforce the observation that there was no sea of red in the crowd. The usual Cardinal fans roaming the stadium were few and far between.

    Also, almost every 2 strike pitch brought the fans to their feet. Good for those in knee rehab.

  • "1st team hit hit 6HR in a game in the postseason." rises above obvious...i checked it with the official fact-finding commission of Douche, Douche, and Douchestein. they agreed with you, but they're a bunch of f'n douches so who cares?

    btw, the cubs are 2-1 in the post-season series.

  • I should be able to watch the game on the NFL replay app, whatever that thing is called. I've got it on my iPad. This is the first year I haven't forced myself to somehow watch every game - no I take that back, last year was - in quite some time. Last year was so unbearable, no pun intended.

    You make some good points about Cutler, and I was a holdout defender of Cutler for a long time. I gave up on him a bit after one too many dumb interceptions, but last year doesn't count. Trestman was the worst coach in Bears history.

  • Nice little reportage there!. I think you're older than me. Considerably older. Maybe several generations. Working out is so essential, especially as age kicks in, isn't it? I still lift weights, and so I'm confident that when I get to be at the hip breaking age, mine won't be a statistic. But I have a ways to go for that to be a concern.

  • What was impressive to me is that the Cubs won despite poor base running, several defensive miscues, Russell leaving due to injury, Arrieta having an off game and getting knocked out early, and Rondon giving up 2 runs in the 9th. If they can win a game like that... 

  • I was there too. The crowd was absolutely electric. People were standing for every big and semi-big moment, from the first inning on. It felt incredibly strange and exhilarating to see the Cubs (the Chicago bleepin' Cubs!) score playoff insurance runs on the Cardinals. What a game. One to remember.

  • 14 in attendance. What's the record for attendance in the fall? I guess I should ask what the record attendance listed is in one of your recaps.

  • I was there too, with my grown son. This is my miracle year-- I rose to the top of the season ticket list after eight years, completely unexpectedly, and my wonderful wife agreed to put the ticket fee on the emergency credit card. The whole point of course was that the Cubs were going to be good this year, and then for a while, so to get season tickets with the guaranteed shot at the postseason was incredible timing. We got to the remote lot at 4:10 after stopping at Nhu Lan for our usual banh mi sandwiches, only to find the lot full, way earlier than normal.

  • Wrigley was electric tonite
    Not many card fans
    Video board was great, they played "there goes my hero" by foos over ryno highlights before he came out. Spectacular

    Good times hopefully they win tomorrow but think Lester will beat poopy pants on Wednesday.

    Happy 4th anniversary of Theo's signing

    Go Cubs !

  • Yeah. "Goodbye!" is a lame HR call.

    I miss Len and JD -- although, driving home from a friend's, WBBM played all 6 HR calls in a row -- and Len got to call the Bryant/Rizzo back-to-back. Very fun.

  • Lackey has been a beast against us. His stats on 3 days rest, however, not as nice. There is plenty of hope.

  • And, no dreadlocks grown yet.

  • Captain Obvious Strikes Again!!!

  • Amen, brother.