Cub Fans: Go Garden Instead of Killing Someone
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I was driving home from work Friday when a hapless woman slammed on her brakes, blocking the right lane, just past an entrance to the auto mechanic's place where she wanted to go. The car behind her was bumper to bumper, too close to pull around. The car behind that car was me, in the same predicament, only I was a Cub Fan and the Cubs had just lost to the Pirates again.
The woman wanting to go into the auto mechanic's place had apparently decided she'd wait until traffic cleared behind her so she could back up, rather than go around the block.
The Rage, it just took over.
I started blaring my horn at second #3.
I also had my top down, which gave me the luxury of yelling, which happened at about second #7.
By the time I could pull out into the left lane, little bits of stuff between my teeth were flying out my mouth while I let out a constant stream of full volume profanity which I'm sure you couldn't really hear because of the horn. When I got parallel, I stopped in the left lane (not caring about the traffic behind me), and with all the veins popping out of my neck told her in so many words that I thought she wasn't a very smart person.
And when she looked at me I didn't get the satisfaction of her being mad back because she looked... like she was looking at a crazy man.
How long had I been trapped there? Maybe 15 seconds.
And that's when I realized I'd lost it.
Which is why today is a perfect day to go garden with the game on your transistor.
Cubs on 1st and 3rd with one out and Aramis hits into a double play? Take your freaking hoe and whack the ground with all your might.
John Grabow comes in and walks the first two with the Cubs up by one in the 6th? Shovel like Cool Hand Luke in the prison line.
Get on your knees with that spade in both hands and plunge it into the dirty black heart of wasted run opportunity and pitching incompetence.
By the time the game's over, you'll be spent and even if the Cubs drop another one, the tomatoes will be planted.
Tim Souers work can be regularly found at Cubby Blue.
Classic ending, about 12:11 AM, CST. 5 hours, 3 minutes. Both teams have bases loaded, no out situations in the last inning.
Last man on the bench, Montero gets it done.
This fucking game
Baez lucky to not have hurt his hand with headfirst slide on play at plate in 12th inning.
Maddon's master plan to challenge his offense to improve on coming from behind late in games is working amazingly.
Everyone remember Starlin Castro dropping or misplaying just about every ball near second base that involved a tag?
Javier Baez is the opposite of that.
on the wild pitch thing, did they really call that a wild pitch on Jansen that Heyward scored on Friday? If so, I don't know what a passed ball is anymore.
Let's see -- up 3-0, at home, Jake on the mound annnnd....compare and contrast 2015 to 2016. Bleh.
Hopefully, the Pirates will uncork a series of 9th inning wild pitches.
@BNightengale: Former #MLB pitcher Dan Haren will be throwing to Tim Tebow tomorrow during his tryout in LA, he announced.
[email protected](dan haren): @BNightengale nope, I was offered the opportunity and declined.
@ithrow88 Oh and memo to my agent, @bvanwagenen: Pitching to Tim Tebow tomorrow DOES NOT count as getting me a real job offer.
I think the Cub Reporter should be politics free.
Build Bridges. Don't anyone dare pull out a trump card.
The Cub offense is in on the con.
1-for-10 so far w/RISP.
swing and a miss.
i'm gonna like...go stand over there. *points*
This is all a long con by Arrieta to lull playoff opponents.
the factual correction on your mistakes on your post that I barely bothered to read the first time because it had nothing to do with anything I wanted to talk about is indeed a sign of my degenerative brain condition. I appreciate the safety tip and will be looking into with extreme urgency now.
it took you 4 posts to get to this?
have you checked the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector?
Fwiw, Billy Hamilton's actual WAR numbers that relate to the ones that I posted for Mike Trout are:
- 2014: 2.5
- 2015: 1.0
- 2016: 2.6
But by all means #crunchsplain on the stupidity of WAR while exaggerating your points. I can't wait to read more.