Cub Fans: Go Garden Instead of Killing Someone
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I was driving home from work Friday when a hapless woman slammed on her brakes, blocking the right lane, just past an entrance to the auto mechanic's place where she wanted to go. The car behind her was bumper to bumper, too close to pull around. The car behind that car was me, in the same predicament, only I was a Cub Fan and the Cubs had just lost to the Pirates again.
The woman wanting to go into the auto mechanic's place had apparently decided she'd wait until traffic cleared behind her so she could back up, rather than go around the block.
The Rage, it just took over.
I started blaring my horn at second #3.
I also had my top down, which gave me the luxury of yelling, which happened at about second #7.
By the time I could pull out into the left lane, little bits of stuff between my teeth were flying out my mouth while I let out a constant stream of full volume profanity which I'm sure you couldn't really hear because of the horn. When I got parallel, I stopped in the left lane (not caring about the traffic behind me), and with all the veins popping out of my neck told her in so many words that I thought she wasn't a very smart person.
And when she looked at me I didn't get the satisfaction of her being mad back because she looked... like she was looking at a crazy man.
How long had I been trapped there? Maybe 15 seconds.
And that's when I realized I'd lost it.
Which is why today is a perfect day to go garden with the game on your transistor.
Cubs on 1st and 3rd with one out and Aramis hits into a double play? Take your freaking hoe and whack the ground with all your might.
John Grabow comes in and walks the first two with the Cubs up by one in the 6th? Shovel like Cool Hand Luke in the prison line.
Get on your knees with that spade in both hands and plunge it into the dirty black heart of wasted run opportunity and pitching incompetence.
By the time the game's over, you'll be spent and even if the Cubs drop another one, the tomatoes will be planted.
Tim Souers work can be regularly found at Cubby Blue.
Imagine if Schwarber was healthy.
J.Zimmermann with a 695 at the moment, Arrieta is second at 495. Ross apparently hasn't qualified yet with just 4 starts and 22 IP fwiw.
Cubs Foe Tomorrow -
The Cubs are facing young Joe Ross tomorrow night for the Nats.
He has an ERA+ of 542. NOT a typo.
I don't think I have seen that recently...
as if you hadn't noticed, but the Cubs are dominating baseball at the moment at a level that has not been seen too often in baseball history.
if only he could throw a ball to first base, he might have a negative ERA and the Cubs would be undefeated.
Thanks for the extensive scouting report.
How about that Lester. What a beast. A nifty 1.58 ERA/227 ERA+
Sean Rodriguez still a douche
Strop quick pitches him and so he jaws with Strop and Cubs dugout.
Get use to it Pauly Shore, Buccos are done
was the last out, bottom 6th more about Adam Warren being good or about the Pirates struggling this series?
and on cue, Len and JD discuss:
JD: It appears that Adam Warren is becoming Joe Maddon's favorite club.
Len: You mean favorite Cub?
JD: No like a favorite golf club.
Len: Like Billie Baroo (then does Ted Knight/Judge Smails impersonation from Caddyshack)
Rizzo on fire
By the way in relation to the zany suits Madden was saying his other reason for forcing players to wear them in public is to cause some awkwardness and embarrassment in the players that they'd have to overcome. He said he feels this ability might help players when they screw up in the game recover more quickly. Not sure if it will but he definitely thinks about the things he does.
Brutal. Pirates load the bases with 0 outs and fail to push any runners across. After two tough games, that really has to suck the wind out of them. Man...
Bases loaded no outs
Lester pitches out of it
Most excellent! MTFBWY!
Btw Star Wars Day, May the Fourth
/found on twitter