Cub Fans: Go Garden Instead of Killing Someone

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I was driving home from work Friday when a hapless woman slammed on her brakes, blocking the right lane, just past an entrance to the auto mechanic's place where she wanted to go. The car behind her was bumper to bumper, too close to pull around. The car behind that car was me, in the same predicament, only I was a Cub Fan and the Cubs had just lost to the Pirates again.

The woman wanting to go into the auto mechanic's place had apparently decided she'd wait until traffic cleared behind her so she could back up, rather than go around the block.

The Rage, it just took over.

I started blaring my horn at second #3.

I also had my top down, which gave me the luxury of yelling, which happened at about second #7.

By the time I could pull out into the left lane, little bits of stuff between my teeth were flying out my mouth while I let out a constant stream of full volume profanity which I'm sure you couldn't really hear because of the horn. When I got parallel, I stopped in the left lane (not caring about the traffic behind me), and with all the veins popping out of my neck told her in so many words that I thought she wasn't a very smart person.

And when she looked at me I didn't get the satisfaction of her being mad back because she looked... like she was looking at a crazy man.

How long had I been trapped there? Maybe 15 seconds.

And that's when I realized I'd lost it.

Which is why today is a perfect day to go garden with the game on your transistor.

Cubs on 1st and 3rd with one out and Aramis hits into a double play? Take your freaking hoe and whack the ground with all your might.

John Grabow comes in and walks the first two with the Cubs up by one in the 6th? Shovel like Cool Hand Luke in the prison line.

Get on your knees with that spade in both hands and plunge it into the dirty black heart of wasted run opportunity and pitching incompetence.

By the time the game's over, you'll be spent and even if the Cubs drop another one, the tomatoes will be planted.


Tim Souers work can be regularly found at Cubby Blue.

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Comments

"I also had my top down"

I'm glad you didn't say you had your top off, cuz guys look like shit without shirts on, no matter what they think.

Oh, and btw, this is no longer a statistical anomaly or a "small sample size" issue. Aramis is, officially, somehow, out of the blue, suddenly, a very bad hitter. I can't think of I time I've seen such an extreme drop.

Going into the game April 21 ... Colvin had had three starts in 2.5 weeks, and he was batting .222.

Over the next eight games, he got six starts. By the end of that time, his average rose to .325.

He's had two starts since then, over about three weeks. His average is back down to .269.

However, I'll admit there's one thing he hasn't been able to accomplish: being a veteran, even one who can't get his avg above .200.

I called a buddy who used to play minor league ball, and he told me the best way to be a veteran is to get playing time. Since I've never played, I'll have to take his word for it.

I'll try to talk to Lou before the game. I've got 13 more minutes to get him his pizza or else it's free.

Lastings Milledge seems to be doing his Jake the Rake Fox impression today.

next year i'm planting my garden like this.

the tomatoes and peppers will probably taste better.

fun fact: tom rickets has signed 400,000 more autographs from spring until now than the entire lockerroom combined.

ah...a win. feels good.

I'm with you Cubby Blue. When the Cubs are losing I like to get drunk and hang out with the hoes.

HAHA!

nice! Hang w/the hoes!!

Tim - what a hilarious article. I really enjoyed it. Somehow I feel like I've done what you described in a sports-related rage. Fortunately I have many opportunities between my beloved Bears and Cubs. How they both seem to permanently suck is uncanny

I agree.

I never knew until this season that Xavier Nady was 80 percent nose.

With the Great Schnozola's hit to give the Cubs the lead, Tyler Colvin might as well find the Ken Griffey Approved Nap Chair in the clubhouse.

Holy crap, the Cubs won that game? I looked at one point yesterday and saw it was 0-3 pirates in the second inning or some crap and decided to go do something more fun than watch the cubs get swept by the pirates again, like a colonoscopy or sinus rinse or something, I don't really remember. Guess I should have muddled through.

FIRE HENDRY!!!!!!!

lulz.

I've never tried a spade from my hands and knees - I did do some yard work after the hawks game Sunday, though.

Recent comments

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  • Thanks PHIL.

    Boy, that is a nifty K:BB ratio Hudson has going at almost 4:1!

    I hope he continues improving.

    The E-Man 2 hours 25 min ago view
  • And of course the Bucs won again playing AZ (not PHIL). They dont seem to have a problem yet with the bottom feeders.

    They picked up 3 games this last week.

    I'm looking forward to them coming to the Chi.

    The E-Man 2 hours 53 min ago view
  • Don't mess with the SI jinx. Since the Javy/Cubs cover came out, he is 2-for-20 with no walks.

    billybucks 3 hours 3 min ago view
  • BRADSBEARD: If all three are assigned to Eugene, the Cubs can play Galindo, Paredes, and Paniagua at the same time by moving Paredes between SS-3B-DH, Galindo between 3B-1B-DH, and Paniagua between 1B-LF-DH. 

    The Cubs like to have their players (including their minor leaguers) learn to play more than one position even if they eventually are projected to settle at one spot, and I suspect that will be reflected at Eugene, with just about everybody who will be assigned there able to play at least two positions. 

    Arizona Phil 3 hours 24 min ago view
  • Thanks - at least the scorer was consistent

    Eric S 3 hours 38 min ago view
  • I don't think the error call was completely out of the blue but the ball took a very bad hop and would have taken a very good play to get it. Same with one of the Stella throws where I think it could have easily been ruled a hit. Neither were cut and dry calls though imo.

    johann 4 hours 7 min ago view
  • chased a high fastball...

    I think his BABIP during his run has been around .950

    Rob G. 4 hours 23 min ago view
  • Great stuff CubbyBlue!!! I think it inspired today's six spot as well.

    Eric S 4 hours 26 min ago view
  • That's all fine and good, but I think it's short-changing the Arrieta-like affect of his beard

    Eric S 4 hours 30 min ago view
  • Was the error scored on Zobrist's third ab ruled correctly? Ron was saying that it was a pretty tough chance for the fielder

    Eric S 4 hours 39 min ago view
  • Did anybody see that Zobrist strikeout?

    That was extremely disappointing.

    Old and Blue 6 hours 16 min ago view
  • Strangest win of the year, and one of the sweetest. Twice I thought it was easily in the bag, then after the first 2 hitters in the 9th I thought all was lost. Big game for Grimm, Strop & Rondon. But, man, those Cards can hit for power.

    billybucks 6 hours 51 min ago view
  • Very satisfying, gut-check win today. The beers on the trip back to Chicago are going to taste fantastic.

    Eric S 7 hours 7 min ago view
  • It's still very early but this game felt very important to me and probably knocked 2 years off my life. Seemed like every inning was big.

    johann 7 hours 53 min ago view
  • Yes then they moved him two spot then not so much, back batting 7th

    jacos 7 hours 54 min ago view
  • This is the exact game that the Cubs would have lost in years past to the Cardinals.

    The E-Man 7 hours 54 min ago view