My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

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This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.


You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Comments

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

wtf...not televised?

WCIU

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Touché

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

wow...that long? damn.

according to Paul Sullivan

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

bob howry sure is bob howry.

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

Recent comments

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  • The key for Heyward's offense: get early leads. Heard a stat on Mike & Mike on the way to work that his avg/power much better this year when the Cubs have the lead. And true to form he gets the two run dinger with Cubs winning 3-0 ...

    Eric S 1 hour 22 min ago view
  • I'm sorry - I was probably not looking at the correct line, or spot, or...who knows!

    I could blame it on the weed, but I stopped smoking many years ago.

    Fortunately, I can rely on the rest of you sober and astute folks to bring the correct info forth.

    The E-Man 1 hour 49 min ago view
  • Oh yeah! It just felt like one for some reason.

    Old and Blue 2 hours 55 min ago view
  • Agreed. I was not including Fowler or Heyward.

    I'm just not a fan of 2016 Coghlan.....

    Dusty Baylor 3 hours 2 min ago view
  • @Dusty Contreras if it's a Lester or Arrieta start. TLS is good PH too. You also forgot about Heyward, assume Fowler is CF.

    chitownmvp01 3 hours 3 min ago view
  • I expect Soler to get optioned as well when activated and Cahill to replace Grimm. It wouldn't surprise me if Coghlan and/or Soler is included in a trade.

    Maybe Coghlan is up to see if he can get on track before someone acquires him.

    This move could also be to assure that we have as much OF depth as possible to maximize Joe's ability to rest players in September once we've clinched.

    chitownmvp01 3 hours 5 min ago view
  • Maddon basically said as much...Fowler still kind of sore, they're being proactive, etc.

    Tito 3 hours 7 min ago view
  • La Stella at 2B...Baez at 3B, or vice versa. Zobrist in RF, Bryant in LF No one gets bumped.

    Dusty Baylor 3 hours 16 min ago view
  • If Coghlan is leading off, I assume Fowler is getting the day off. Who is supposed to lead off, then? Someone has to get on base for Bryant and Rizzo. Coghlan's OBP is .346 with the Cubs. Jackson's was .304. LaStella can lead off, but then he has to play second or third, and bump Zobrist or Baez.

    Unless he gets hot, Coghlan will likely change places with Soler soon.

    VirginiaPhil 3 hours 17 min ago view
  • I suspect the Cubs asked Chris Coghlan if he would accept an Optional Assignment to the minors and he refused (Coghlan has one minor league option left), so either you keep LaStella on the 25 and release Coghlan, or option LaStella to AAA for about a month and have both LaStella and Coghlan available in September-October. (As an Article XIX-A player, Coghlan must give his permission before he can be optioned to the minors, while LaStella has not accrued enough MLB Service Time to refuse an optional assignment).

    Arizona Phil 3 hours 38 min ago view
  • Given today's lineup -- maybe they just wanted an extra OF to give Dexter a few days off (i.e. day game after a night game).

    billybucks 3 hours 40 min ago view
  • Tommy LaStella has three minor leaue options left so it's no big deal to send him to Iowa, but as of right now he projects to be at 2+124 MLB Service Time by the end of the of the 2016 MLB regular season, which will place him "on the bubble" as far as being eligible for salary arbitration as a "Super Two" post-2016.

    But if he spends at least twenty days on optional assignment this season (anything less than twenty days and he will accrue a full season of MLB Service Time), he will not have enough MLB Service Time to have a chance to be a "Super Two."

    Arizona Phil 3 hours 52 min ago view
  • this will be his 4th time leading off for the cubs this season...WITH A .500 OB%! HAIL MADDON! THE PLAN (c)2016! HE HAS RISEN! #YOLO #SWAG! KONY 2012!

    crunch 3 hours 59 min ago view
  • I don't hate Coghlan as a PHer but he's leading off today which is as bad as Austin Jackson doing so last year. He doesn't even have the speed.

    johann 4 hours 48 min ago view
  • TLS has options. He will be up again in Sept, and maybe earlier.

    Rob Richardson 4 hours 59 min ago view
  • Very odd -- TLS .308/.419 in July (in 26 AB). Strange move for a team struggling to score runs. Hard to imagine Coghlan doing better than that. Maybe they like Coghlan better as a PH?

    billybucks 5 hours 9 min ago view