My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

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This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.


You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Comments

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

wtf...not televised?

WCIU

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Touché

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

wow...that long? damn.

according to Paul Sullivan

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

bob howry sure is bob howry.

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

Recent comments

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  • Cubs are going to need a 2nd baseman of the future. I'm still not convinced Baez can be that offensively on an everyday basis.

    johann 28 min 47 sec ago view
  • Updating: Per @Joelsherman1, #Cubs-#Yankees trade, if completed, would be Chapman for Torres, Warren and likely two others.

    Can only imagine they'd only give that much up if he's signing an extension. 

    Rob G. 43 min 39 sec ago view
  • The official police report on Chapman:

    https://www.scribd.com/document/292708682/Chapman-...

    You can draw your own conclusions.

    Old and Blue 2 hours 36 min ago view
  • Where is he going to play for the Cubs?

    Rob Richardson 3 hours 3 min ago view
  • That was, ummmm, you know. A joke?

    Old and Blue 3 hours 8 min ago view
  • Even from an on-field perspective, Torres is a 19-year-old beating up High-A pitching who also plays a great SS. Even if he never develops a legit MLB power stroke, he's still an obvious 4-tool guy with a very high floor. Sucks to trade away his next 6-8 years for a closer, albeit a great one.

    John Beasley 4 hours 37 min ago view
  • "Like the Chapman deal for Cubs from on-field POV, wish I didn't now have to feel lousy following an otherwise likable Cubs team." @jonahkeri

    pretty much sums up my feelings

    Rob G. 10 hours 47 min ago view
  • You mean Yankees?

    QuietMan 10 hours 50 min ago view
  • Cards lose!

    billybucks 10 hours 58 min ago view
  • You do have a point. The TheoJed certainly would need to address this in a transparent way. Milton Bradley was no help to the team.

    The E-Man 11 hours 10 min ago view
  • FWIW, the Cubs would get a compensation draft pick between the 1st & 2nd rounds (around #35) if they extend a Qualifying Offer to Chapman post-2016 (probably about $17M), Chapman declines, and then he signs with another MLB club before next year's draft. 

    Arizona Phil 11 hours 16 min ago view
  • This all assumes Chapman doesn't want to be a free agent and possibly sign a $20MM+/year deal. We all know free agents get overpaid, sometimes dramatically (Hello, JayHey!). Not sure why Chapman would agree to the extension. If i'm is agent, I would tell him I could get I'm a $100M deal as a FA.

    billybucks 11 hours 23 min ago view
  • I'll root for the uniform and imagine it's left-handed Rod Beck or Randy Myers out there I suppose.

    Rob G. 11 hours 47 min ago view
  • Amen to this. I guess it's gonna happen and I'm gonna have to suck it up but I really despise domestic abusers with every bone in my body and cannot stand them on any team I root for.

    johann 11 hours 55 min ago view
  • I just prefer they don't  acquire players that choke their wives/girlfriends.

    Rob G. 11 hours 59 min ago view
  • So you'd rather go with Blown Save guy, when you can trade a prospect who is blocked for one piece that could get you over the top to the Big Dance? That is pretty old thinking. This is not a move that they cannot recover from if it goes south. But the upside is potentially historic.

    The E-Man 12 hours 8 min ago view