My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

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This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.


You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Comments

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

wtf...not televised?

WCIU

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Touché

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

wow...that long? damn.

according to Paul Sullivan

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

bob howry sure is bob howry.

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

Recent comments

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  • Manny Rondon faced 13 batters ... and got 10 to K. Not a bad day's work.

    Eric S 3 hours 54 min ago view
  • With several other Cubs hitters bailing out on curves today I think overall it wasn't being seen well. It for sure looked silly but a good breaking pitch coming at you and then breaking down isn't the easiest thing to see and has made many hitters look silly. Also Soler should have more walks this year but for quite a few called strikes that were actual balls and even the called strike he bailed on was borderline.

    johann 6 hours 52 min ago view
  • it's not like we're talking about a guy who's never had issues with pitch selection and seeing the ball over here. we're talking about a guy who has some rather legendary swing-and-misses at breaking stuff who's been exploited low. going forward it's worth paying attention to seeing if he can be exploited inside, too. he seriously bailed out of the box on a called strike. sure it was a good curve, but he obviously didn't see that well at all.

    crunch 7 hours 4 min ago view
  • It would seem like he is figuring it out now and it's really coming together. Really happy for him. Joe was really protecting him from the 3rd time through the order, but as you allude to, he is earning trust to go deeper.

    Wondering if has potential to become a #3 pitcher? His current stats certainly support it.

    The E-Man 7 hours 13 min ago view
  • That doesn't count b/c CRUNCH didn't see it on his 60" HDTV 5 times in replay.

    I have seen many players "bail out" when the ball looked like it was gonna hit them.

    Especially with the advent of the splitter and pitchers that can really get the ball to dance. Marmol, Sutter, Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe, Smoltz, Arrietta...

    These guys have made the best bail out only for the ball to come over the plate and be called a strike.

    No shame in that. The same way players whiff hard enough to cause them to drill a hole in the ground from spinning.

    The E-Man 7 hours 19 min ago view
  • a 60" TV with slow-motion replay and multiple looks on that replay helps...a lot...

    it's one thing to shy away like he did the 2nd time, it's another to bail out of the box on a called strike. that happened in the 1st one he pulled away from. he misjudged that one by a foot or so...

    crunch 7 hours 37 min ago view
  • Good Hendricks sure is fun to watch. He was hitting all his corners today and the Phillies couldn't do anything with his changeup.

    johann 8 hours 13 min ago view
  • Bryant and I believe Zobrist both did that too.

    johann 8 hours 31 min ago view
  • Soler BB acumen and plate awareness is excellent. Not unusual for even the best players to react as if they were about to hit them, "even though they weren't that close" from your vantage point sitting on your deck, or wherever.

    The E-Man 8 hours 33 min ago view
  • soler vs inside breaking balls is scary.

    he's had 2 inside curve balls today where he reacted as if they were about to hit him even though they weren't that close...one he bailed out of the box on, it was a called strike.

    crunch 8 hours 51 min ago view
  • j.urias optioned back to AAA...guess we wont be seeing him in the LAD series.

    crunch 8 hours 58 min ago view
  • so is him actually getting 2 hits in a game (2 doubles!)...first time he's even been on base 2 times in a game since 9 games ago on his 3/4, 1bb day.

    im ready for him to at least look like a 2-slot hitter since he's gonna be slotted there no matter what he does.

    crunch 9 hours 53 min ago view
  • That Heyward move to avoid Bryant's ball hit at him was a thing of beauty too.

    johann 10 hours 11 min ago view
  • 9 pitches in and this game already rules.

    HR, double...bryant's turn (who came out to a Kris Kross song for some horrible, horrible reason).

    ...2 run inning...zoobrest hitting streak at 14.

    crunch 10 hours 16 min ago view
  • First time I saw Herrera was yesterday. He took like 100 pitches, fouled off a ton off Lester.

    Very nice young player and perfect leadoff guy.

    The E-Man 11 hours 26 min ago view
  • Obviously not Phil. But he mentioned this on Wednesday.

    "Dominican Summer League (DSL) Opening Day is Saturday June 4th, so probably about 8-10 pitchers and position players presently at EXST in Mesa will be sent to the Cubs Dominican Academy (probably sometime this week) and be assigned to either DSL Cubs #1 or DSL Cubs #2."

    In the comments here: http://www.thecubreporter.com/05242016/cub-power-d...

    QuietMan 12 hours 5 min ago view