My Ouija conversation with Dead Aramis Ramirez

(Click on image for full size)

This is kinda creepy I know, but the following conversation happened just last night...

ME: Aramis Ramirez!

(It's midnight, I'm sitting alone in a dark hotel room with my Ouija Board and a candle.) 

ME: You there, Aramis?

OUIJA: Yes.

(Man, it is SO weird talkin' with a dead guy.)

ME: Aramis, how do you feel about being picked as the National League's Least Valuable Player for the first half of 2010?

(Okay, pretty scary - the candle flame blew around as if there was a crazy wind in here.)

OUIJA: Like the matador who ran from El Toro.

(you've got experience with the Ouija, you know that sentence took about 20 minutes, but... TOTALLY worth it to speak with the dead.)

ME: Saw the You Tube clip  - it's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, even if you're hitting .207.

OUIJA: Did you not notice the week before this All-Star break?

ME: You mean the thrill of sweeping Arizona and the agony of dropping 3 of 4 against L.A.?

(The closet door just slammed shut, I am not kidding.)

OUIJA: No! You are the bag of bad gas! I speak of my numbers: .428 with the average, 4 of the home runs, 9 of the runs batted in.

ME: This would go faster if you used acronyms. Like "RBI".

(Oh my GOD! A pencil flew across the room and hit me in the forehead.) 

ME: So sorry, oh Aramis the Dead! The numbers are impressive!

OUIJA: Yes they are. If my thumb stays healed, I will come back to life!

ME: Awesome! So what do you think about Lou Piniella - how's he holding up?

OUIJA: He's standing right here, would you like to speak to him?

ME: I knew it!

OUIJA: What can I say, fellas? Nobody likes to lose. But what can you

...And that's when the candle blew out and I lost the Ouija connection.

But pretty cool talking with Aramis.

Lets see if he can really rise from the dead.

You can read Tim Souers work on daily basis at Cubby Blue.

Tags: 
Cubby Blue
Aramis Ramirez
Submitted by CubbyBlue on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 3:31pm
Return to Homepage

Comments

Submitted by Jace
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:45pm

This was great for a laugh! Thanks, CubbyBlue!

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:49pm

via cm:

#Cubs Carlos Zambrano has reported to Mesa to workout and threw 25 pitches Thurs. Return time TBD

#Cubs lineup for Thursday vs #Phillies 2B Riot, RF Colvin, 1B Lee, CF Byrd, 3B Ramy, LF Sori, C Soto, SS Castro, P Dempster

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:50pm

you can tell aram has heated up...he's joined the rest of the production at the bottom of the lineup. if he keeps streaking he'll be hitting 7th or 8th soon enough.

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:52pm

via paul sulivan:

"Big Z in Arizona to start his comeback. Anger management sessions overwith."

okay. so he was doing "anger management" all this time. what the hell was with that club statement a few days ago to the press about?

Submitted by 10man
on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 9:18am

anger is not something you "manage" in a matter of weeks so those sessions were probably more for media hype than anything. if Z is really serious about it, he should continue seeing a counselor regularly. either that or sing "i'm so pretty" in the middle of a bridge.

Submitted by crunch
on Sun, 07/18/2010 - 5:35pm

myself, i'd be surprised if he even went to a single "anger management" session.

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 7:03pm

wtf...not televised?

Submitted by John Beasley
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 7:11pm

WCIU

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 7:12pm

figures...and no philly fox feed. thnx.

Submitted by Ryno
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:07pm

It's shitty baseball anyways. *middle finger towards cubs tv schedule*

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 7:19pm

"Last Play: T. Colvin hit by pitch"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 7:22pm

"Last Play: M. Byrd hit by pitch, T. Colvin to second"

if you can't get out of the way of a moyer pitch you don't deserve to get a free base.

Submitted by Ryno
on Fri, 07/16/2010 - 7:01am

Touché

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:04pm

castro stole home...sigh...wish this was on national tv or mlb EI.

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:17pm

First straight steal of home by Cub since the legendary Brian McCrae did it 4/13/96

http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/SFN/S...

Player traded by Cubs to make room for Keith Moreland in that game also.

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:47pm

wow...that long? damn.

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:50pm

according to Paul Sullivan

Submitted by garsky
on Fri, 07/16/2010 - 9:22am

Is it really considered a straight steal given that it was actually a suicide squeeze? I can understand the official scorer ruling it a steal, as Dempster missed the bunt, but it was never intended as a steal.

Submitted by Tito
on Fri, 07/16/2010 - 12:49pm

Plus the pitched bounced well in front of the catcher, hit the chest protector and deflected away. Not a protypical straight steal of home.

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:04pm

Hellz Yeah!! Zonk is doing the game with Len.

Needs to be Pat's radio partner like...now!

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 8:29pm

Aram is hitting everything on the screws.

/file under Too Little Too Late

Submitted by jacos
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 9:02pm

Keith Moreland is sporting a Larry Fine.

www.nndb.com/people/804/000092528/

Submitted by crunch
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 10:04pm

bob howry sure is bob howry.

Submitted by rokfish
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:17pm

No telecast of Cubs either instead listened to a little bit of the Hawk
what a ------ ------ John Danks what a gutsy performance.
Hawk he went 6 had 111 pitches and gave up 6 earned.
Did Len and Bob ever say Zambrano had a gutsy performance with that line.

Submitted by navigator
on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:52pm

You missed the worst seventh inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by a professional singer since Ozzy Osbourne desecrated the song. It was a mindboggling earmangling catastrophe foisted on Cubs fans by Julianne Hough who has no voice and cannot sing. Luckily the mike cut out and we were spared most of it.

Submitted by The E-Man
on Fri, 07/16/2010 - 8:39am

Meh - don't be jealous that their team is in first place while the Cubs are 9 1/2 games out and haven't sniffed .500 since May 2nd.

Submitted by Dusty Baylor
on Fri, 07/16/2010 - 8:47am

Maybe that...but 6 innings, 6 runs...111 pitches...isn't gutsy unless he was pitching with a broken leg or something..lol.

Damn.....Glad A-Ram and D-Lee showed up.....oh, it's mid-July?

X
You may login with either your assigned username or your e-mail address.
The password field is case sensitive.
Loading