Keep Your Eye on the Crystal Ball
Pre-holiday musings while waiting for some real news about PLAYING personnel:
•Due to overcrowding in the front office the saber-squad works out of the Wrigley Field scoreboard. You know, inside the numbers.
•Prince Fielder re-ups with the Brewers and gives them a substantial hometown discount now that Sveum is finally gone.
•Sveum’s brother, Sven, joins the team as a rowing [pronounced roving] instructor.
•Alfonso Soriano finally goes to the wall on a ball and gets lost in the ivy. After the search is called off the team schedules “burn the contract night.” The first 10,000 through the turnstiles get facsimiles of Soriano’s contract and matches with which to light them during the 7th inning stretch.
•During Miami’s first visit to Wrigley Carlos Zambrano defects to the visiting clubhouse where Ozzie Guillen grants him asylum. Negotiations lead to the Marlins’ sending Andre Dawson back to the Cubs as compensation.
•Theo does away with the celebrity sing-alongs in favor of medleys performed by him, Hoyer and Wayne Messmer. Besides “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” repertoire includes old Lettermen and Kingston Trio hits like “Shangri-La,” “Greenback Dollar” and “Hang Down Your Head, Mike Quade.”
•Sandberg is hired as Sveum’s understudy and later suspended when he tests positive for HPH (Human Personality Hormone) after knocking a few jokes out of the park in meetings with the beat writers. Quade is heard somewhere saying, “&%$@#* Sandy!”
•Change the Culture Night features espresso flowing from the taps and in the dugout water coolers in twin spirits of urgency and hustle. 11 Cub base stealers thrown out, including Bryan LaHair trying to stretch a HBP into a double.
•Cubs begin selling “gull safari” packages as a new revenue stream, allowing fans the chance to shoot birds from the bleachers after daytime home games.
•Team finishes out of the money in Year One but Hoyer does win the MLB General Managers’ Fantasy League with no Cubs on his roster.
Have a great Thanksgiving everybody. Never thought I'd say this but, GO PACKERS!
This fucking game
Baez lucky to not have hurt his hand with headfirst slide on play at plate in 12th inning.
Maddon's master plan to challenge his offense to improve on coming from behind late in games is working amazingly.
Everyone remember Starlin Castro dropping or misplaying just about every ball near second base that involved a tag?
Javier Baez is the opposite of that.
on the wild pitch thing, did they really call that a wild pitch on Jansen that Heyward scored on Friday? If so, I don't know what a passed ball is anymore.
Let's see -- up 3-0, at home, Jake on the mound annnnd....compare and contrast 2015 to 2016. Bleh.
Hopefully, the Pirates will uncork a series of 9th inning wild pitches.
@BNightengale: Former #MLB pitcher Dan Haren will be throwing to Tim Tebow tomorrow during his tryout in LA, he announced.
[email protected](dan haren): @BNightengale nope, I was offered the opportunity and declined.
@ithrow88 Oh and memo to my agent, @bvanwagenen: Pitching to Tim Tebow tomorrow DOES NOT count as getting me a real job offer.
I think the Cub Reporter should be politics free.
Build Bridges. Don't anyone dare pull out a trump card.
The Cub offense is in on the con.
1-for-10 so far w/RISP.
swing and a miss.
i'm gonna like...go stand over there. *points*
This is all a long con by Arrieta to lull playoff opponents.
the factual correction on your mistakes on your post that I barely bothered to read the first time because it had nothing to do with anything I wanted to talk about is indeed a sign of my degenerative brain condition. I appreciate the safety tip and will be looking into with extreme urgency now.
it took you 4 posts to get to this?
have you checked the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector?
Fwiw, Billy Hamilton's actual WAR numbers that relate to the ones that I posted for Mike Trout are:
- 2014: 2.5
- 2015: 1.0
- 2016: 2.6
But by all means #crunchsplain on the stupidity of WAR while exaggerating your points. I can't wait to read more.