Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.
I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy
reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.
Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.
So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in. The story itself is below the fold. (No peeking until you've entered your words!)
1. A Cubs Player
2. A number
3. A celebrity
4. A food
5. A gerund (a verb + ing)
6. A noun
7. A Cubs Player
8. A body part
9. A medical procedure
10. A number
11. A roster position
12. A Cubs Player
13. An adjective
14. A Cubs Player
15. An Adjective
16. A player from another baseball team
17. A sports reporter
18. A retired player
19. An adjective
20. A roster position
21. A feature of Wrigley Field
22. + 23. Two corporations
24. An occupation
25 + 26. Two Celebrities
27. A tragedy
28. A Cubs Player
29. A noun.
As spring training begins,  appears to be in the best shape of his life.  lost  pounds in the offseason by adopting  's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only  and a daily exercise routine of  .
 isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. Concerns about  's  linger. While  insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only  will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is relying on  to make at least  starts this year.
Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for , where  appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more  candidates like . If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a  veteran like . While  is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax  out of retirement and play for the team.
Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some  new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more s, the Cubs have added advertising to the . The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be  and . Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary   perform, and  will be making his (her) first appearnce since .  is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) .
Guess the OBP of Dusty's lead off hitter tonight?
.221/.272 for his career
CRAIG: Albertos was throwing both his fastball and curve for strikes today, displaying the best command I've seen from him so far. The Cubs have limited his outings at EXST, so he hasn't been stretched-out beyond one inning on a semi-regular basis.
K-K-K inning for Albertos, 9/13 strikes. How did he look? All fastballs, or did he get some breaking pitches for the K's?
Is Moreno showing any hint of improved velocity?
Awesome! Also, dammit! I just finished a Russell verse!
I’m Addison Russell, flashin’ leather and muscle
Hit a grounder up the middle, damn right ya better hustle
I don’t miss, you know this, my D is the dopest,
I’m lovin’ it and glovin’ it and shovelin’ it to Zobrist
Another twin killing, score it six-four-three
If I keep this up they’ll name another street for me
There ain’t no SS better than Russell
And I’m just here to do the World Series Shuffle
Awww shit, it's Tony Rizzle, my nizzle,
so hot at the plate that, you can damn near hear me sizzle.
Len and JD been calling me the main ingredient
and opposing pitchers know the IBB is just expedient.
And if the ump is a chump and I find myself down
0-2 I'll choke up, still make the pitcher look a clown;
got this lightning in my wrists, the pitch inside just can't 'cuff me,
hitting longballs up until we do the World Series Shuffle.
I just was looking at the Times Home page today, and was reading about (RIP) Prince. Didn't catch the Sports...
Yup to that. Also really unfortunate Soler just has not been able to grab this opportunity by the balls.
...and Kalish with the start over Soler. Wow.
With Heyward's injury/slow start, Soler's struggles, and injuries to Schwarber and Szczur -- it's a really good thing Fowler fell into the Cubs' lap. Like, a really, really good thing. I just really, really, really hope his name isn't one of the upcoming PED announcements.
I take heart that it's so early in the season that this is nothing but silliness. In fact, I'd be much more nervous doing this in September.
Heyward not starting tonight, Ramirez to Bereavement List, Patton up.
Addison Russell is the youngster with the hustle--
you couldn't make his game tighter if you cinched it in a bustle.
For the pinch you got La Stella and little Matty Szczur,
two real "gritty" fellas. And then there's the geezer,
grandpa Rossy, for when you need a team leader
or just a catch and throw guy, to keep the runners at first,
or to nab them on a pick off; he's got 'em mic'd in the shitter,
yeah, caught with their pants down
[MIKE D and MCA]: Like my boy ROBERT DURST!
E-man, you should stay away from the NY Times sports page today, based on your last comment
Save this post for late September please. Let us not taunt the Gods of "Cubbery" please.
They are waiting for us, and are apt to pounce at the slightest hint of positive projection.
Awesomeness - bravo!
Thanks. If there's anyone who knows anything about insightful comments, it's definitely you.