Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

As spring training begins, [1] appears to be in the best shape of his life.  [1] lost [2] pounds in the offseason by adopting [3] 's fitness plan.  This plan involves eating only [4] and a daily exercise routine of [5] [6].

 

[1] isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form.  Concerns about [7] 's [8] linger.  While [7] insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only [9] will fix the problem.  Lou Piniella is relying on [7] to make at least [10] starts this year.

 

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for [11], where [12] appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more [13] candidates like [14].  If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a [15] veteran like [16].  While [17] is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax [18] out of retirement and play for the team.

 

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some [19] new attractions.  In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more [20]s, the Cubs have added advertising to the [21].  The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance.  Among the prominent brands to be found will be [22] and [23].  Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch.  We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary [24] [25] perform, and [26] will be making his (her) first appearnce since [27].  [28] is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) [29].

 

Comments

I took a REAL chance that 3-6 were connected, and it paid off for me in a big, big way. The risk was defintely worth the reward there. Also, I kind of thought that you were going towards the 7th inning stretch there at the end, which worked out nicely. I love madlibs. This should be a regular feature. Here's mine:

As spring training begins, Milton Bradley appears to be in the best shape of his life. Milton Bradley lost 100 pounds in the offseason by adopting Chad's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only horse balls and a daily exercise routine of performing fellatio.

Milton Bradley isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Koyie Hill's left hand linger. While Koyie Hill insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only cutting fingers off will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Koyie Hill to make at least 7 starts this year.

While most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for LOOGY, where Carlos Marmol appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more neat candidates like Mike Fontenot. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Adam Dunn. While Bruce Levine is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Walker out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some bad new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more late inning defensive replacements, the Cubs have added advertising to the drunk whores with their tits out who have no tangible knowledge of baseball. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary janitor Mike Ditka perform, and Jeff Gordon will be making his (her) first appearnce since Kellie Pickler did an interview with Len and Bob. Carlos Zambrano is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) cucumber.

I think I would pay money to see Zambrano ask Jeff Gordon for his cucumber.

Glad one person liked this, at least.  :)

I am slightly afraid that Milton Bradley is going to come after me like I'm a visiting TV announcer after he reads that first paragraph, though.

what?

a black man can't like horse balls?

racist.

~Transmission ducks~

I bet Babe Ruth liked horse balls.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9212720/Furor-o...

I think the real trouble that comes in with Milton (and Chad, in a related story) is that they aren't kosher.

FYI, I've lost 35 pounds since October. True story.

A hunger strike isn't going to get Obama out of the White House...

As spring training begins, Chad Fox appears to be in the best shape of his life. Fox lost -30 pounds in the offseason by adopting ARod 's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only chemically-enhanced skittles and a daily exercise routine of injecting & cream.

Fox isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Bako's oblique linger. While Bako insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only a lobotomy will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Bako to make at least 4 starts this year.

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for weak-ass hitting, semi-good fielding player, where Gathright appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more similar weak-ass hitting castoff candidates like Taguchi. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Corey Patterson. While Phil Rogers is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Hollandsworth out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some invigorating new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more aforementioned weak-ass hitting semigood fielding scrubs, the Cubs have added advertising to the dugouts. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be MVN.com and AIG. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary role-model athletes Charles Barkley perform, and Mark McGwire will be making his first appearnce since he wanted to only talk about the future. Milton Bradley is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him for his prescriptions.

and Trans, we are hiring drivers...

Awesome, both on the libs and the hiring.

For #27 - A tragedy - I thought you meant like a Shakespearean play, so I put down Macbeth. It kind of lost something because of that.

#27--might make more sense to have tried Sampson Agonistes in RF (by Milton).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson_Agonistes

Sampy Sosa? A muscle-bound former hero who was reduced to flailing at the ball like a blind man? Just don't put him by any load-bearing beams.

Sampy: tell A-Rod to skip the haircut

Recent comments

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  • Guess the OBP of Dusty's lead off hitter tonight?

    ?

    ?

    ?

    ?

    .221/.272 for his career

  • CRAIG: Albertos was throwing both his fastball and curve for strikes today, displaying the best command I've seen from him so far. The Cubs have limited his outings at EXST, so he hasn't been stretched-out beyond one inning on a semi-regular basis.  

  • K-K-K inning for Albertos, 9/13 strikes. How did he look? All fastballs, or did he get some breaking pitches for the K's?

    Is Moreno showing any hint of improved velocity?

  • Awesome! Also, dammit! I just finished a Russell verse!

    I’m Addison Russell, flashin’ leather and muscle
    Hit a grounder up the middle, damn right ya better hustle
    I don’t miss, you know this, my D is the dopest,
    I’m lovin’ it and glovin’ it and shovelin’ it to Zobrist
    Another twin killing, score it six-four-three
    If I keep this up they’ll name another street for me
    There ain’t no SS better than Russell
    And I’m just here to do the World Series Shuffle

  • Awww shit, it's Tony Rizzle, my nizzle,
    so hot at the plate that, you can damn near hear me sizzle.
    Len and JD been calling me the main ingredient
    and opposing pitchers know the IBB is just expedient.
    And if the ump is a chump and I find myself down
    0-2 I'll choke up, still make the pitcher look a clown;
    got this lightning in my wrists, the pitch inside just can't 'cuff me,
    hitting longballs up until we do the World Series Shuffle.

  • I just was looking at the Times Home page today, and was reading about (RIP) Prince. Didn't catch the Sports...

  • Yup to that. Also really unfortunate Soler just has not been able to grab this opportunity by the balls.

  • ...and Kalish with the start over Soler. Wow.

  • With Heyward's injury/slow start, Soler's struggles, and injuries to Schwarber and Szczur -- it's a really good thing Fowler fell into the Cubs' lap. Like, a really, really good thing. I just really, really, really hope his name isn't one of the upcoming PED announcements.

  • I take heart that it's so early in the season that this is nothing but silliness. In fact, I'd be much more nervous doing this in September.

  • Heyward not starting tonight, Ramirez to Bereavement List, Patton up.

  • Addison Russell is the youngster with the hustle--
    you couldn't make his game tighter if you cinched it in a bustle.
    For the pinch you got La Stella and little Matty Szczur,
    two real "gritty" fellas. And then there's the geezer,
    grandpa Rossy, for when you need a team leader
    or just a catch and throw guy, to keep the runners at first,
    or to nab them on a pick off; he's got 'em mic'd in the shitter,
    yeah, caught with their pants down
    [MIKE D and MCA]: Like my boy ROBERT DURST!

  • E-man, you should stay away from the NY Times sports page today, based on your last comment

  • Save this post for late September please. Let us not taunt the Gods of "Cubbery" please.

    They are waiting for us, and are apt to pounce at the slightest hint of positive projection.

  • Awesomeness - bravo!

  • Thanks. If there's anyone who knows anything about insightful comments, it's definitely you.