Match Game

I thinks it's important that we come up with the perfect term to describe the annihilation of the Brew Bitches from the North. So please fill-in with the most appropriate verb. All submissions are welcome.

The Cubs (blanked) the Brewers.

a few to start you off: dominated, beat-up, skull-fucked, etc... 

If you need to add a metaphor or point of reference to the end of the sentence, that is acceptable as well.

Comments

gyro-screwed and what-the-fuckulated Game Thread Pic over at the Brew Crew Ball Blog http://assets.sbnation.com/fan_shot_images/11...

The Cubs (LeeEliad) the Brewers. Yeah, Baby!

Divisionated

Can't add much creative... Cubs ManRammed the Brewers But I have been laughing for 30 minutes over this onion article...especially the pictures. I'm sure it's old news, but holy crap is that good stuff. http://www.theonion.com/content/news/c_c_saba...

That is the best Onion article ever.

Sorry. Not as funny. Those pictures of Fielder as the burger and Sabathia as the hotdog are still making me laugh. That's not to say I don't like your article. It's great and clever but it's not in the same league as Blockhead's.

That's ok. I didn't write it. I always just find their religious stuff funnier than the sports.

I've always been partial to this one: http://origin.theonion.com/content/node/27656

The Cubs (played good baseball against) the Brewers.

oh no you didn't...

I know. I'm naughty.

The Cubs (pwned) the Brewers.

Ummm... I think you had a typo. Did you mean "owned?" :)

The Cubs BeaArthured the Brewers.

The Cubs Bukkaked the Brewers

The Cubs [censored] the Brewers. Oh MVN -- I don't miss you at all.

Gene, I'm going with "had anal sex with from the top position." If nothing else, I'm certain I at least matched Charles Nelson Riley.

Silly me, i would have been happy with a split!

The Cubs Boguslawed the Brewers like a toothless Sox fan.

"bitch-slapped"

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cock fucked

The Cubs "lillyzdempsterhardened" the Brewers. Sounds Norwegian or Germanic... say it fast.

but the Nats lineup for tonight does not have one hitter with an OPS over .800 or a single hitter with an OBP over .340.

The Cubs burninated the Brewers!!

HARDEN was a man I mean, he was a dragon man Or maybe he was just a dragon But he was still HARDEN! HARDEN! Burninating the countryside, Burninating the Brewers Burninating all the peoples And their thatched-roof COTTAGES! THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!

I said CONSUMMATE K's! CONSUMMATE!

The Cubs [SOTOmized] the Brewers.

The Cubs read them the riot act

"We don't like the fact that we allowed their fans to come into our park and have a four-day party," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. "But that's our fault." http://mlb.mlb.com/news/gameday_recap.jsp?ymd...

the Cubs braunschweigered the Brewers...

The Cubs "Randall Simon-ed" the Brewers.

This was my joke too, but I was going with 'Sausage Slapped' and post the link.

The Cubs outclassed the Brewers. They could have easily won the first 2 games if it wasnt for some bad defensive plays. Milwaukee showed in this series that they have not grown as baseball team from last year.

the Cubs blunt force trauma-ed the Brewers [who by the way look like crap as a group in uniform; between them Sheets, Hardy, Hart, Fatboy, et. al look like a bad pajama party]...

I think the Cubs , made 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.

I am horrified to say this, but I think Chad wins.

and boom goes the dynamite!

The bomb diggity, yo.

The cubs "Barretted" the Brew crew

Randall Simon'ed gets my vote, but Chad and Whipple are up there as well. Lee Elia'd isn't bad either.

8-4 in the bottom of the 8th. Could be 5 games up with our favorite whipping boys coming to town minus Nady and Bay.

Five games up! WOO! Quite the change from five days ago. =)

The Cubs "oops-maybe-we-shouldn't-have-traded-all-of-our-best-prospects-for-three-months-of-CC-ed" the Brewers

took the Cubs about 10 games to lose their 6 game lead over the Brewers, and now got 5 back in a period of 5 games. Point being, there's a lot of baseball left to be played, and things change quickly. Cubs schedule is killer in September, so we need to use this long homestand to build a cushion and fight from there.

not like there's anything like an easy series in baseball, but if you assume the Cubs have advantage in all their home series with they way they've played at Wrigley, the only "difficult" series they have in August is three games @ Florida.

They're only other road games in August are vs Pitt and Atlanta. 

 

Cubs magic number is 49... too soon?

yes.... when it gets under 20, that's when it gets real fun.

ha...from the cbssportsline blog of the twins-Sox game. "Span gets hit on the knee but the umpire says he was bunting. Gardenhire argues the call and gets thrown out of the game. The fans start throwing hats onto the field and Ozzie Guillen pulls his team off the field. And now he's getting into an arguement with a fan! This is one of the stranger delays I've ever seen"

Sox fan bro-in-law of mine just called, says it was AJ who made that play a reality by keeping his head in the game and asking the ump, "was he bunting???" I hate AJ, but mostly because he's good.

And I hate the quality of MLB umpires, who keep believing his acting rather than their own eyes. On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game.

On a positive note, AJ's antics seem to have backfired as the Gardy tossing-hat throwing-Ozz arguing with a fan delay pretty much sparked the rally that cost the sox the game. Or maybe the team just started hitting bad pitching, and it had nothing to do with with Gardy, fans, AJ, or Ozzie.

Or maybe they didn't. They scored 7 of their runs against a guys with a 3.31, a 2.53 and a 3.23. Not sure bad pitching is completely accurate.

I didn't mean that they were bad pitcher... I just meant that the Twins hitters may have just started hitting better than the Sox were pitching.

Maybe it didn't have anything to do with it. But the point of AJ's acting was to get a called strike instead of a HBP. He got that but also got a very long delay in the game. The pitcher wound up throwing 3 straight balls, resulting in a walk that started a 4 run rally. You'll never be able to prove either way exactly what effect the delay had on the game. Maybe it was all just a coincidence that the White Sox pitchers lost control after a long delay and maybe its just a coincidence that the Twins started to hit after being given a very bad call as an event to rally around, but I wouldn't dismiss an event like a long delay simply because it doesn't show up in the box score.

March/April: 17-10 May: 18-11 June: 15-12 July: 15-11 65-44 with a .596 winning percentage, which would be good for 96 wins. Have now played 3 more road games than home games. 19 @ home...9 on the road in August.

on their Yahoo team page it says Lou would like to get Samardzija in back-to-back games this weekend. Says he put him in a 7-0 game to give him late-inning work on the road. http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/teams/chc

The Cubs Kermit-Washington-Rudy-Tomjanoviched the Brewers. They never saw it coming.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39027 This is the best Onion article EVER! Sorry, a little late in the thread... This should be right up your alley, The Joe!

Pie tripled and scored in the first, then was taken out. Any info?

i believe it was a injured hand/wrist...

I was there today, and I would swear out of 45,346 in attendance at least half were Cubs fans. It was unbelievable. Even the tail-gaters in the parking lots were 50/50 Cubs/Brewers fans. It was like the stadium and the Brewers were our bitches.

5 days ago CHC/MIL were tied for 1st and STL was 3 games trailing the leaders. now CHC has a 5 game lead over STL/MIL who are tied for 2nd. dizamn.

LoDuca and Felipe Lopez...of course, if you're not good enough to crack their lineup, you're probably not much use to anyone. BP is still expecting Felipe Lopez to repeat his 2005 season at anytime. :)

My favorite Onion moment, and yes this is horribly un-p.c. It was one of their headlines without articles, "Special Olymipcs T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game." Yes. I laughed, and I felt bad about it. I still laugh... every... single... time.

Quit stat observation: I think it was Rob G. who noticed earlier this year that the Cubs had a great record in games decided by 3 runs or more. This was considered important because losing a one-run game could be a crapshot, but losing a 3-run game means that you were well and truly submissive. The Cubs are leading all of baseball with a run differential of +130. That means that when we win, be bust out the Obliviaxe. The next closest team is the Red Sox with a +82. They have 48 more runs than the Red Sox. The Cubs are #2 in all of baseball with 580 runs scored (Rangers with 610). Oh so pretty...

don't think it was me, but Cubs are 15-17 in one-run games.

20-10 in "blowouts" (5 runs or more).

not sure about 3 runs or more or where to find that... 

New SAT question: Cubs:Brewers correct answer Hammer:Nail

Cubs:Brewers :: Brett Meyers:Wife

Cubs:Brewers :: Prince:Party Try of Hummus & Vegetables

Shakespeare: The Cubs unseamed the Brewers from the nave to th' chops. Cartoon character w/Bronx accent: The Cubs moidalized the Brewers. Psychiatrist: The Cubs inflicted a closed-head injury on the Brewers, who report neurologic sequelae to include dizziness, loss of orientation, aggressive behavior, and feelings of depression and anxiety. Reality: The Cubs completely unnerved, and exposed, the Brewers.

My favorite Onion-baseball story, courtesy of (one of) my favorite whipping boy(s): http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/p...

To provide a Match Game answer: The Cubs Farnsworthed the Brewers. To provide another answer to my SAT question above Cubs:Brewers Moises Alou:Hands

The Cubs [You know that disgusting goo which has to be cleaned out of the brewery vats after fermentation is done and the beer is gone? Yeah that. The Cubs de-goo-ed] the Brewers. More of a concept than a phrase, really

Griff Sr. talking about Junior: "People have no idea what he went through in his career," Griffey said. "The first time he broke his hand in Seattle, it was bad, man. I thought he might miss two years. They put a plate in his hand and he was back in six weeks. Then a screw came loose in the plate and he screwed it back in himself." http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sport...

My favorite Onion baseball story: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51526

Classic. I really wanted to stop reading it, but I couldn't.

That was pretty classic.

Reading many of the above is such a blast. S.A.T.?! LOL! Shakespeare?! SIMON-ED?!! HAHA!! Where else would you see this shit re Cubs baseball, I ask?? One of the many reasons why I love TCR!

Dotel gave up the 7th inning back to backs for DLee/Aram...Kubel was just studying that video when Ozzie pulled his players off the field. http://chicago.cubs.mlb.com/news/wrap.jsp?ymd...

Lineup: Just a couple names from ESPN 1K Dome 2nd Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th Cedeno, SS, 8th

Scrappy Mity Mouse, 2B 7th I thought it was Little Babe Ruth.

Oh - Jimmy Hollywood, 5th

LF Soriano RF Fukudome 1B Lee 3B Ramirez CF Edmonds C Soto 2B Fontenot SS Cedeno P Marquis They didnt mention the Pirates lineup but that should be interesting if Laroache and Moss had logistics issue with that trade going down suddenly so its not like they had a heads up to get ready to get to Chicago. (EDIT): Laroache and Moss are in the lineup. 2B Rivas 1B Douggy M. CF McLouth C Doumit 3B Laroache RF Moss LF Michaels SS Wilson P Karstens

ENOBAY. Me likee.

I actually really like this lineup R L R R L R L R L

With all due respect, this is the greatest Onion article: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870

I am just glad crunch made it. Seriously though, Yo La Tengo is for the the 'What fucking Ian?'s of the world, not the Rob Gordons.

The Cubs did not only Skull-fuck the Brewers with that sweep two weeks ago!!! they skull fucked the Cardinals too!!!

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  • Cubster 36 min 47 sec ago (view)

    https://twitter.com/just1deeva/status/1245654487026397184?s=21

    speaking of Trump's trained rats...

     

  • Hagsag 7 hours 5 min ago (view)

    Cubster, your comments about President Bone Spurs could not be more accurate. Thanks for posting!

     

  • BobbyD 18 hours 11 min ago (view)

    Cubster: I agree with your comments, save one. That the president is "leading" America. He couldn't lead a pack of rats to a NYC dumpster on an August afternoon. The "man" is a f'ing disgrace. 

     

  • crunch 20 hours 29 min ago (view)

    though the team cheaped out on this offseason (still an overall top-tier payroll), i was at least looking forward to seeing the beginning of the david ross era...and who was going to win the 2nd base job...

    nothing about 2020 baseball feels legit anymore.  just hearing the players talk about it, you'd think they were organizing a casual pickup game for charity at an inconvient time and place...doesn't seem like they're really stoked about it.

     

  • Cubster 21 hours 39 min ago (view)

    June 1st is a week from tomorrow. Given 5 weeks of spring training before starting (July 4th?), the season is on the brink of going bye-bye. It's bad enough in 2020 to be losing prime career years for Javy Baez and Kris Bryant, let alone Anthony Rizzo, Kyle Schwarber, Kyle Hendricks, and Willson Contreras. If one of them gets coronavirus, loses lung capacity, and alters their career arc, Cub fans will for a long time have a bitter taste in their mouths. All for, at best,  a bizarre half-season without fans watching in the ballparks.

     

  • Alexander Dimm 1 day 2 hours ago (view)

    HAGSAG: I've been following this all spring and I fully agree.  Let's not risk the health of these ballplayers.  Let's plan for 2021 an be done with 2020.  I know that whole game will be changed next year but it's already morphing now.  Just start with a clean slate.  I don't want scientists watching baseball when they should be working on a vaccine.

     

  • Hagsag 1 day 7 hours ago (view)

    I love baseball as much as anyone, but I cant see this working. Put the 2020 season on the shelf and plan for 2021. 

     

  • crunch 1 day 21 hours ago (view)

    i still don't understand how any of this retains momentum if a team has an outbreak...

    it seems like that would put a pause on things not only effecting the team with the outbreak, but the schedule and future opponents...and past opponents who recently played the team with an outbreak...

    if it gets started, hopefully it can roll to end without going off the rails.  it all seems so fragile with a lot of moving pieces.

     

  • CubbyBlue 1 day 21 hours ago (view)

    I wish I felt better about the possibility of baseball this year. All those details - it just seems like something's not going to work. And to me the worst thing that could happen is they get started and 2 weeks later have to shut it down, then try to start it up again. 
    Baseball's role this summer is meant to uplift, and that scenario feels soul-crushing.

     

  • crunch 2 days 18 hours ago (view)

    add the bjays to the list...

    whatever works to get people paid.

     

  • crunch 2 days 20 hours ago (view)

    "Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reports that the Brewers will keep their baseball operations staff intact for all of 2020.

    There will be no furloughs and only top executives in the organization will take pay cuts."

    2020 has officially crossed the line now...making me like the brewers...

    seriously though, it's about time some of these 100s-millionaire to billionaire owners acted like this.

    brewers, wsox, cards, and twins have all promised full pay for employees through june+ (and maybe longer when revisited)

     

  • crunch 4 days 18 hours ago (view)

    the "slow opening" seems to be starting up this weekend and into next week for a variety of clubs...whether it's the ballpark or training facitlies.  most all of the player access seems to be limited to those on the 40-man and nothing mandatory.

    nothing for the cubs yet (that i've heard about).  chicago is still a bit "hot" but AZ is open for sports...

     

  • crunch 1 week 22 hours ago (view)

    i can't speak for this or all of the US, but my state govt level safety committee reports kinda shape up like this...and this aggregated view stated below is my own...

    we're still technically short for how all pieces of the testing scheme interact with each other on whole, but it's catching up and should be rolling smoothly for a task like this (seems to be a dedicated lab for all MLB) by the time the season is proposed to start.

     

  • Hagsag 1 week 1 day ago (view)

    They plan on testing 10.000 per week? I thought we were short of tests. 

     

  • crunch 1 week 1 day ago (view)

    i would be surprised to see this go start-to-finish without some kind of stupid drama.  it's not that covid is gonna kill a gazillion people while they bleed from their eyes or something...it's that it's so easy to pass it others.  if you find one guy positive, chances are pretty high he's taking down a handful of others with him even if they're all good to go in a couple weeks and feel fine during that downtime.

     

  • Craig A. 1 week 1 day ago (view)

    This is going to be full of surprises. Young players who don't feel that bad may be angry that they can't  play.  A team may loose several players at once. They'll need a taxi squad that doesn't practice with the main team. Even the best plan can't prepare teams for every possibility.