The “Are You Qualified to Conduct the 7th Inning Stretch?” Test
[update] this form appears to be the best place to go to register your disgust with the guest conductor situation.Dear Chicago Tribune and Chicago Cubs Upper Management Suits, Somewhere, about three or four years ago, your guest conductor idea degenerated from a nice way to commemorate Harry Caray, into a crass publicity gimmick. In the last two nights, it has further devolved into what can only be described as a complete travesty. Ditka, at least, has some Chicago roots. Ozzy and Mongo amused me in the way that watching COPS or Springer amuses me. But Jeff Gordon, two-bit politicians, no-talent "comics" and now, Kellie Pickler, are just complete embarassments. They reflect badly on your product. If you're going to continue presenting us with faux-celebrities who proceed to embarass themselves, your brand, and your brand's most loyal customers, at least find ones who don't need to have the outfield pointed out to them. May I propose offering the following test. Anyone who scores less than 8 out of 10 needs to stay out of my ballgame.
1. What is the name of the building in which you are singing the seventh inning stretch? 2. Since 2000, how many World Series have the Cubs won? 3. Name two players currently on the Chicago Cubs' 25-man roster. 4. Write out the lyrics to the 7th inning stretch. 5. List one thing you plan on talking about in the broadcast booth, other than your career. 6. How many outs are there in a half- inning? 7. What do you call a "point" in baseball? 8. What is the name of the position located in the center of the outfield? 9. What job does that older gentlemen in the Cubs dugout have, the man wearing the uniform with the name "Piniella" on the back? 10. List one thing that you have done to improve the city of Chicago, unrelated to your use of the city as a source of income.Again, 8 out of 10. Your loyal fan, Trans.