Satire

The Untouchables

The Yankees get Curtis Granderson, the White Sox land Jake Peavy, the Cardinals traded for Matt Holliday, the Phillies are in on Roy Halladay, the Mets acquired Johan Santana and Cubs fans get....

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By Rob G. at Fri, 12/11/2009 - 8:25pm

Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

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By Transmission at Sun, 02/15/2009 - 10:31am

2007 TCR Postseason Award Show

Time to finish off the postseason awards circuit with TCR’s unique take on the season. It was a bit more difficult a task than last year, because, well, the Cubs didn’t completely suck, but the selection committee did their best.

Splendid Splinter Award (Honoring the Rookie who was firmly planted on the bench for no real good reason)

The Cubs looked set at the catching position going into the year with the offensive-minded yet defensively challenged Michael Barrett. Unfortunately the offense didn’t show up this year and the defense was never there. After serving as Z’s personal punching bag in early June and suffering mistake after mistake, he finally got shipped off to San Diego.

That would seem like a good chance to bring in the catcher tearing up the PCL and already on the 40-man roster, but instead the Cubs brought over Rob Bowen and his whopping _______ batting average. He managed to perform even worse as a Cub and the Cubs moved him to the A’s.

Alright, fine, no major harm done, let’s go Soto in that lineup.

Um, nope, time f

Tallest Midget of the Year (Perceived Greatness amongst Mediocre Peers)

“…people say “gritty” and “scrappy” and “smart” when they really just mean “short.” (Keith Law)

I think that best sums up the man who eventually took over shorstop duties for 2007.

Ryan Theriot


Nomar Garciaparra’s Groin Award (Crushing Injury That Ruined Hurt the Season)
Alfonso Soriano

 

Cecil Fielder Award (Most Unathletic Player)

Scott Eyre/

Mitch Williams Award (Heart Attack Bullpen Guy)

Ryan Dempster/Will Ohman

Lord Voldermort Trophy (Most Hated Cub)

Dempster? Barrett?

Brant Brown Award (The Most Amazing Way to Lose a Game)

Ronny Cedeno slide

Grady Little Award (Boneheaded managerial decision of the year)

Carlos Zambrano Game 1

Allard Baird Award (GM’s worst move; Could also be called the Cam Bonifay Award or Chuck Lamar award and by next year possibly the Jim Hendry Award)

Let’s see here, team is second in NL in ERA and Runs Allowed, everyone’s healthy, I know, we need to trade for a pitcher who was good about 10 years ago. YeahSteve Trachsel trade…

—

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By Rob G. at Mon, 02/11/2008 - 5:37pm
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