One and Done
So how do you revenge fuck a baseball team?
You follow a baseball team for six months, 161 games, and just about every play of every inning and then they go and just tear your heart out. The one time you really needed them, the one thing you ever wanted out of this relationship and they can't even be bothered to show up. For six months they were the best girlfriend a guy could imagine - not only did you have that special spark with them, but they had all the fundamentals as well. They were the kind of girl that you needed more than she needed you, but still would bring you lasagna at work...just because it was a Wednesday.
And then it's the big weekend corporate retreat with your promotion on the line and she ends up forgetting to take her anti-depressants, sleeps with your boss, then the guy you were vying for the promotion with and you find this all out when you walk in on her taking on 3 guys from the sales team. On top of that, the only reason she brought you lasagna on Wednesdays was she was meeting up with your boss at a hotel room around the corner once a week.
Fuck the Cubs!
I feel like I should go root for the White Sox or Brewers now, just to show them. Or try and bang some of the player's wives, but I don't think the Angel Fan wife will approve of that one.
Observations from the ballpark after the jump...
- The Angel Fan Wife and I headed to the game and she broke out the T-shirt she made in June for the last Cubs/Dodgers game we went to, since it ended in victory. The shirt has a Cubbie Bear logo on it and the words, "Let's face it, he's married to the Cubs and I'm just his mistress". They'll soon be widely available at TCR store. She also brought out the Angels cap to make sure we caught hell from everyone we passed.
- I mapped out a pretty solid route to the park to avoid the major conjested areas since not only was there the Dodger game, but also a USC home game and a concert downtown. I made it from Long Beach to parked in 40 minutes, 15 of them waiting in line for parking. I was surprised to see the lot full with about 25 minutes still to game time. I guess Dodger fans were taking this one seriously.
- We actually did end up around about half a dozen Cubs fans surrounded by a sea of Dodger fans of course. To say the least, they took every opportunity to heckle the Cubs fans, although they really hated the one guy wearing Yankees gear whenever he stood up to take a whiz. But the Dodgers fans right in front of us, who were the most vocal, were a pretty good-natured group and the heckling is a lot easier to handle when the jokes are pretty good. There was one unfortunate asshole who literally talked through the entire game while looking back at the group of Cubs fans looking for someone to engage him. I'm not sure he saw more than 10 pitches. He was equaled out by the obnoxious Cub fan filled up with liquid courage that decided to stand up and scream at the slightest Cub positive moment. I think he got hit by about 100 ice cubes and two cups of beer plus other assorted ballpark snacks throughout the night. And no, I was not that fan. This was me throughout the night.
- First pitch - Soriano swings. I'm ready to jump off the upper deck.
- Kuroda was popping 95-96 mph to start on the Dodgers stadium gun and I wondered where the hell that came from. Harden was hitting 88-91 and whenever he tried to put a little extra on it was nowhere near the strike zone. That's when I wrote "Game Over" in my notebook. Just kidding, I didn't have a notebook, nor do I hate Jews.
- I couldn't tell from my vantage point if Martin was safe on that play from third, but the Cub fan next to me got a text message on his cell that said the replays showed he was out. When things go bad, they go real bad for the Cubs, as we all have painfully learned.
- The Dodgers crowds usually get a bad rap and for the most part it is deserved. But last night's crowd was quite electric, and they even managed to get through a game without doing the wave. Heck, they even stayed for the 9th inning.
Not much else to say, I think I'm probably gonna take a few days, maybe weeks off from this baseball thing. This one's a little too painful...
Awww shit, it's Tony Rizzle, my nizzle,
so hot at the plate that, you can damn near hear me sizzle.
Len and JD been calling me the main ingredient
and opposing pitchers know the IBB is just expedient.
And if the ump is a chump and I find myself down
0-2 I'll choke up, still make the pitcher look a clown;
got this lightning in my wrists, the pitch inside just can't 'cuff me,
hitting longballs up until we do the World Series Shuffle.
I just was looking at the Times Home page today, and was reading about (RIP) Prince. Didn't catch the Sports...
Yup to that. Also really unfortunate Soler just has not been able to grab this opportunity by the balls.
...and Kalish with the start over Soler. Wow.
With Heyward's injury/slow start, Soler's struggles, and injuries to Schwarber and Szczur -- it's a really good thing Fowler fell into the Cubs' lap. Like, a really, really good thing. I just really, really, really hope his name isn't one of the upcoming PED announcements.
I take heart that it's so early in the season that this is nothing but silliness. In fact, I'd be much more nervous doing this in September.
Heyward not starting tonight, Ramirez to Bereavement List, Patton up.
Awesome! Also, dammit! I just finished a Russell verse!
I’m Addison Russell, flashin’ leather and muscle
Hit a grounder up the middle, damn right ya better hustle
I don’t miss, you know this, my D is the dopest,
I’m lovin’ it and glovin’ it and shovelin’ it to Zobrist
Another twin killing, score it six-four-three
If I keep this up they’ll name another street for me
There ain’t no SS better than Russell
And I’m just here to do the World Series Shuffle
Addison Russell is the youngster with the hustle--
you couldn't make his game tighter if you cinched it in a bustle.
For the pinch you got La Stella and little Matty Szczur,
two real "gritty" fellas. And then there's the geezer,
grandpa Rossy, for when you need a team leader
or just a catch and throw guy, to keep the runners at first,
or to nab them on a pick off; he's got 'em mic'd in the shitter,
yeah, caught with their pants down
[MIKE D and MCA]: Like my boy ROBERT DURST!
E-man, you should stay away from the NY Times sports page today, based on your last comment
Save this post for late September please. Let us not taunt the Gods of "Cubbery" please.
They are waiting for us, and are apt to pounce at the slightest hint of positive projection.
Awesomeness - bravo!
Thanks. If there's anyone who knows anything about insightful comments, it's definitely you.
yeah, it's hard being me. i don't know why anyone would want to do it, but someone's gotta do it.
thanks for the insightful additions here and below you've made in this thread to The Crunch Reporter.
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