Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

As spring training begins, [1] appears to be in the best shape of his life.  [1] lost [2] pounds in the offseason by adopting [3] 's fitness plan.  This plan involves eating only [4] and a daily exercise routine of [5] [6].

 

[1] isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form.  Concerns about [7] 's [8] linger.  While [7] insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only [9] will fix the problem.  Lou Piniella is relying on [7] to make at least [10] starts this year.

 

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for [11], where [12] appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more [13] candidates like [14].  If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a [15] veteran like [16].  While [17] is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax [18] out of retirement and play for the team.

 

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some [19] new attractions.  In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more [20]s, the Cubs have added advertising to the [21].  The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance.  Among the prominent brands to be found will be [22] and [23].  Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch.  We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary [24] [25] perform, and [26] will be making his (her) first appearnce since [27].  [28] is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) [29].

 

Comments

I took a REAL chance that 3-6 were connected, and it paid off for me in a big, big way. The risk was defintely worth the reward there. Also, I kind of thought that you were going towards the 7th inning stretch there at the end, which worked out nicely. I love madlibs. This should be a regular feature. Here's mine:

As spring training begins, Milton Bradley appears to be in the best shape of his life. Milton Bradley lost 100 pounds in the offseason by adopting Chad's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only horse balls and a daily exercise routine of performing fellatio.

Milton Bradley isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Koyie Hill's left hand linger. While Koyie Hill insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only cutting fingers off will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Koyie Hill to make at least 7 starts this year.

While most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for LOOGY, where Carlos Marmol appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more neat candidates like Mike Fontenot. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Adam Dunn. While Bruce Levine is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Walker out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some bad new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more late inning defensive replacements, the Cubs have added advertising to the drunk whores with their tits out who have no tangible knowledge of baseball. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary janitor Mike Ditka perform, and Jeff Gordon will be making his (her) first appearnce since Kellie Pickler did an interview with Len and Bob. Carlos Zambrano is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) cucumber.

I think I would pay money to see Zambrano ask Jeff Gordon for his cucumber.

Glad one person liked this, at least.  :)

I am slightly afraid that Milton Bradley is going to come after me like I'm a visiting TV announcer after he reads that first paragraph, though.

what?

a black man can't like horse balls?

racist.

~Transmission ducks~

I bet Babe Ruth liked horse balls.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9212720/Furor-o...

I think the real trouble that comes in with Milton (and Chad, in a related story) is that they aren't kosher.

FYI, I've lost 35 pounds since October. True story.

A hunger strike isn't going to get Obama out of the White House...

As spring training begins, Chad Fox appears to be in the best shape of his life. Fox lost -30 pounds in the offseason by adopting ARod 's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only chemically-enhanced skittles and a daily exercise routine of injecting & cream.

Fox isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Bako's oblique linger. While Bako insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only a lobotomy will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Bako to make at least 4 starts this year.

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for weak-ass hitting, semi-good fielding player, where Gathright appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more similar weak-ass hitting castoff candidates like Taguchi. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Corey Patterson. While Phil Rogers is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Hollandsworth out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some invigorating new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more aforementioned weak-ass hitting semigood fielding scrubs, the Cubs have added advertising to the dugouts. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be MVN.com and AIG. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary role-model athletes Charles Barkley perform, and Mark McGwire will be making his first appearnce since he wanted to only talk about the future. Milton Bradley is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him for his prescriptions.

and Trans, we are hiring drivers...

Awesome, both on the libs and the hiring.

For #27 - A tragedy - I thought you meant like a Shakespearean play, so I put down Macbeth. It kind of lost something because of that.

#27--might make more sense to have tried Sampson Agonistes in RF (by Milton).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson_Agonistes

Sampy Sosa? A muscle-bound former hero who was reduced to flailing at the ball like a blind man? Just don't put him by any load-bearing beams.

Sampy: tell A-Rod to skip the haircut

Recent comments

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  • Jake Arrieta gives up first inning run

    For the first time in a year, 33 starts.

    /nervous
    //not really

    jacos 1 hour 30 min ago view
  • Old news, sorry if it's 3/44-

    J-Hey being classy by repaying an old teammate:
    http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/story/chicago-cubs-ja...

    Ryno 2 hours 8 min ago view
  • Sigh.

    Ok... maybe.

    Ryno 2 hours 34 min ago view
  • With Paredes moving to 3B, how do you see playing time shaking out between him and Galindo? Do you think Galindo gets starts at 1B? Galindo is more of a prospect than Paniagua, right?

    bradsbeard 2 hours 36 min ago view
  • Phil, your knowledge of the Cubs Minor League system is unbelievable.

    Hagsag 2 hours 39 min ago view
  • This kid would be a key piece in a trade for a pitcher, imo.

    The E-Man 2 hours 43 min ago view
  • This might be old news but Hammel was on ESPN 1000 and said that he changed his diet and workout routine over the off season and tweaked his delivery so it'd be more repeatable so he'd have a better second half. So...some cause for optimism anyway.

    johann 4 hours 3 min ago view
  • CHILDERS: RHSP Dylan Cease and LHSP Bryan Hudson are probably the top two SP prospects in the organization right now. 

    LHSP Jose Paulino has electric stuff (91-94 MPH fastball with sinking action and a mid-80's slider), but he also has trouble commanding it.  

    RHP Jose Albertos (2015 IFA - Mexico - $1.5M bonus) just turned 17 in November, and his fastball already sits at 95-96. He also throws a curve and a change-up, and is fairly advanced for a kid his age.   

    Arizona Phil 4 hours 12 min ago view
  • AZBOBBOP: Most of 2016 draft picks will get assigned to either Eugene or AZL Cubs, but the Opening Day Eugune roster will probably be almost 100% from the Extended Spring Training squad roster (pending the arrival of draft picks).

    I think I can probably tell you which pitchers and players at EXST are in contention for roster slots at Eugene and which are in contention for slots with the AZL Cubs - AS THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW - (listed alphabetically):  

    * bats or throws left 
    # bats both

    Arizona Phil 4 hours 40 min ago view
  • Eloy Jimenez atop the leader board for minor-league home runs in the Cub system, with seven. Tied with Balaguert and Vogelbach, two 24-year-olds. Jimenez won't be 20 until late November. Leads the Midwest League in SLG and OPS. Maybe he'll get promoted to the Myrtle Beach squad that visits Woodbridge, VA, in June or Frederick, MD, in August.

    Watched two Pelican games at Frederick the other week. Was most impressed by Stinnett and Happ. Happ may swing harder than Javier Baez, though more compactly. (Also got to see Brockmeyer hit a bomb.)

    VirginiaPhil 5 hours 1 min ago view
  • E-MAN: Jose Paniagua isn't a string-bean, but I wouldn't say he necessarily bulked-up during the 2015-16 off-season  either, He led the DSL Cubs in HR and doubles in 2014, and he showed XBH power when he arrived in Mesa last year, leading the AZL Cubs in HR, doubles, and RBI in 2015. It's just that he has taken his HR power to a new level this year.

    Paniagua displayed plus-HR power in Cactus League Minor League Spring Training games in March, and that got him a slot on the South Bend Opening Day roster. But he was sent to EXST after only six MWL games.  

    Arizona Phil 5 hours 8 min ago view
  • Rob Richardson 5 hours 37 min ago view
  • Martinez is one of my least favorite pitchers in baseball. I'd love to see a game like yesterday's against him.

    Send Soler down!

    Old and Blue 6 hours 31 min ago view
  • Awesome thanks AZ

    Old and Blue 6 hours 33 min ago view
  • Great report, Phil! This organization has so many hitters to be excited about.

    John Beasley 7 hours 23 min ago view
  • Ben Zobrist is very enjoyable to watch!!!!!!

    Hagsag 10 hours 11 min ago view